I'm back on track poker wise, during the last few weeks i have been studying a lot and playing some. I realized that i didnt fight near enough for small pots and not bluff cached enough in the right spots.
My wwsf has increased by nearly 5% now and that makes me really happy because my red line doesnt look like a car falling off a cliff

I'm also going to start the P90x program, got everything i need and i'm really excited and motivated right now.... lets see how much it lasts!

Also a good read here: http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-...r-to-be-happy/

Here i am back to this blog after a year and a half, and same as last time i wrote here looking for some advice, encouragement or whatever i can find so i can trick my brain into thinking positive again, and getting into the right frame of mind.

Last year was pretty good, haven't played as much as i wanted to but i ran pretty well. This year thou it has been a disaster at the tables as you will see in the graph below. I tried for the past couple of months to really work on my mental game, read Jared Tendler's book a couple of times and tried to follow the instructions in that book about how to approach my mental game issues, and so far it hasn't helped that much and im starting to wonder if people can really change their personality.

There are some people that are grinders and play 70k hands every month, and there are some people that are bumhunters and play only with a whale at the table, there are some people that dont tilt much even if they lose 10 sessions in a row and there are people that go on monkey tilt after 2 bad beats in a row. Nobody learned to be like that, its just how their personality is right now.

Couple of things i noticed about me and my mental game issues so far:
- if i had a bad month and i start a session and quickly win two buyins i just end the session and most of the time dont even play that day anymore. This is bad because it means that i often play more when im losing and of course im on some form of tilt, and i play a lot less when im winning when clearly i have no tilt then and i play my A game.
- i play scared money most of the time to avoid variance because i hate the feeling that you have when you run bad, but by avoiding variance im actually increasing mine because my winrate is dropping
- i procrastinate like a pro, it took me a week to write this post The ill do it tomorrow or tonight bullshit its what making me play 25k hands a month instead of 40-50k



I do know that i understand this game very well off the tables, but can i get past my tilting, scared money personality and become a true grinder or should i just give up now and cut my losses?

A bit disappointed with myself last week because i didnt play as much as i planed. My downswing continues and i tried to keep myself motivated and not tilt.



I kept thinking how these 3 months of being break-even effected my game and i realized that i had become somewhat weak tight postflop, im too afraid to make non standard plays and follow my instincts, too afraid to make thin call downs even tho i know villains line makes no sense and too afraid to really exploit other regs, like attempting to bluff them out of a pot when i know they are weak.

This week i will focus on following my instinct and trying my best not to play weak tight anymore. I will try to make some non standard plays each day and post them on the forum.

The last couple of months have been a real hell for me poker wise, i had no confidence in my play and thus the desire to play and get better was lost. Every attempt i had to get out of the black hole that was my mindset was met with a bad day or two where i lost 6-7 buyins, after witch i returned to my usual "i run bad for life" mindset.

Here is my graph for the year so far:


I have played a lot less then what i should have mainly because i lost all the confidence i had in my abilities as a poker player, basically i was just scared to play, scared of the variance and that loser feeling i had after every bad session.

THIS ENDS NOW

My plan starting now is to play 2k hands at least every day, post at least 3 hands on the forum and update this blog every week with my progress.
I am currently have 90buyins for 25NL and i plan to play at this limit until i get at least a 3ptbb win rate.

NO EXCUSES