Here i am back to this blog after a year and a half, and same as last time i wrote here looking for some advice, encouragement or whatever i can find so i can trick my brain into thinking positive again, and getting into the right frame of mind.
Last year was pretty good, haven't played as much as i wanted to but i ran pretty well. This year thou it has been a disaster at the tables as you will see in the graph below. I tried for the past couple of months to really work on my mental game, read Jared Tendler's book a couple of times and tried to follow the instructions in that book about how to approach my mental game issues, and so far it hasn't helped that much and im starting to wonder if people can really change their personality.
There are some people that are grinders and play 70k hands every month, and there are some people that are bumhunters and play only with a whale at the table, there are some people that dont tilt much even if they lose 10 sessions in a row and there are people that go on monkey tilt after 2 bad beats in a row. Nobody learned to be like that, its just how their personality is right now.
Couple of things i noticed about me and my mental game issues so far:
- if i had a bad month and i start a session and quickly win two buyins i just end the session and most of the time dont even play that day anymore. This is bad because it means that i often play more when im losing and of course im on some form of tilt, and i play a lot less when im winning when clearly i have no tilt then and i play my A game.
- i play scared money most of the time to avoid variance because i hate the feeling that you have when you run bad, but by avoiding variance im actually increasing mine because my winrate is dropping
- i procrastinate like a pro, it took me a week to write this post
The ill do it tomorrow or tonight bullshit its what making me play 25k hands a month instead of 40-50k
I do know that i understand this game very well off the tables, but can i get past my tilting, scared money personality and become a true grinder or should i just give up now and cut my losses?