I ran really well this afternoon. I'd was on a heater on one particular table and won about 320bb.

Tonight, I read a couple of poker essays and then decided to just have 500 hands before bed. I lost everything I earned earlier. I know why, too.

I was still playing that earlier game. I wasn't playing the tables I was at. WTF?? It's as though running good earlier on made me think that however I was playing at the time, was the correct play ALL the time.

What did I learn? There's no stone cold correct play. Every game, hand, opponent, is different and I must remember that - I mustn't ever forget that.

G'night

Hi everyone

This is my first blog. I just lost a buy-in, went on tilt and lost another; so I took a break and had a think.

None of you guys know me, so the first thing I'd like to say is that I don't come from a background of math and logic, I come from a background of philosophy.

So I'm stuck at the moment. Yes, in poker, but in life too. I've built up a little debt on a card and decided to play some live 100nl at the casino last night to see if I could make some cash to pay of some of my debt.

I've played 100nl at the casino a good few times and I'm in profit overall. But last night I didn't get the cards (my AJo IP got busted by AQo on an A raggedy board).

When I got home, I bought into a $1 + 10c x3 turbo on stars and came 20th, bagging $90. So I decided to move up from 6max 2nl to 5nl today.

I started out, and made a decision to talk out loud through my hands, as if I was making a training video, and you know what, it helped my game immensely! Thinking everything through and verbalising all my decisions made such a difference to my game. Even though I wasn't getting any decent cards, I was steadily gaining chips.

Then the table dynamic changed, I lost the two TAGs to my right who were replaced by two LAGs who started to affect my win-rate. So I changed gears, and loosened up to reduce their limp and steal percentages and ended up winning about a 70bb pot.

But then, I made my first mistake - I stopped talking; I reverted to my usual game which is too automatic.

On another table, there was a guy two to my right whose VPIP/PFR was something like 45/3, and he had about 350bb. The guy to my right was playing a 35/10ish. I had to tighten up and over an hour I was down about 60bb.

So again I decided to shift gears and loosen up. I noticed that the dude on the lefts fold to steal was around 60%, so I tried to exploit that. I found As9c UTG+1 and raised 5x. He called.

Flop came Q5Ahcc.

I Cbet the pot and he called.

Turn brought the 6c and I potted it again. Again, he called.

River brought a rag and I went all-in and he called again.

He felted me with AQ. So I left the table.

On another table, I had just over 200bb and found ATo in the BB. CO and button limped and I made it 6x. CO folded and button called.

Flop came ATKdcd. I thought that if I bet out, villain would fold, so I checked, hoping they'd put some money in and I could raise. They checked back and the turn brought 9h. I bet the pot and the villain called. The river brought the Td. I was still on tilt from the last hand and was pissed the way this hand had gone; I made a stupid over bet and the villain pushed. Like a true donk, I called and he won with KQo.

That's when I logged off.

So I was thinking, and realised that I started losing when I stopped thinking. While I was thinking "like a poker player" I was doing just fine, but when I reverted to my automatic play, not only did I make incorrect decisions, but my automatic emotional responses got the better of me too.

In a certain esoteric tradition, they talk about the battle between the wolf and the dog. The wolf represents the wild and untamed part of ourselves which is ruled by its emotions and base drives - feeding, mating etc. The dog represents what the wolf could be if it were trained and tamed by a skilled master.

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but I just want to get this down: we can't be a winning player while the wolf is in charge. We need to take control and train that wild and reckless part of ourself so that it doesn't dictate our actions. While I was talking myself through each decision, through each hand, I was in charge, but when I stopped, I went on automatic, the wolf took over and when its food source was threatened (I lost the pot) it got desperate/emotional for more food and went after a prey that it couldn't handle (I played the next hand badly).

Wanted to put that out there for other players, in-case it helped as a useful metaphor.

Something else came to mind whilst I was contemplating the session. In one of the training videos here (sorry, can't remember which), the instructor mentions that whatever a players results are, they're getting what they want from poker.

That if you're a winner, it's because you want to win, you're competitive, you pride yourself on self-improvement and your skill and ability. If you keep losing, you're still getting what you want, but your aim is different. You're probably a thrill seeker and you like the rush of going all in with the worst of it.

Again, notice the wild vs. tamed aspects to these two types of people. The thrill seeker is running on emotion and base drives/instinct. The winner subordinates his emotions to his intellect.

I have a lot of work to do on myself. I'm not competitive enough and I tend to give in too easily. These are not winning traits. I know I have the potential to be a winner, but the wolf gets its way more than the dog with me.

But today I've found a new way to play. To get out of this habitual play and instead to think, think, think, every step, all the time - it keeps the wolf asleep.