Im sittin here chillin in sunny California, not thinking to much about the storm i left behind in minneapolis. Feels pretty good to be home, and see my dad and my mom and especially my brother. Its my brothers first semester back from college and were bonding better than ever. Its wierd because when we were growing up we each had a ot of sports, school work, and a different friend base. Now that hes in college its like were mature enough to bond more and do more things together, which is something i think ive always subconciously wanted, when you grow up and deal with real world problems you realize how many fakes are out there and how hard it is to find a really good friend but family is forever and having strong bonds with them is what is going to get me through life relatively happy.

I have a few things planned while im here. First of all im seeing my dad for a few days and staying over at his place for christmas becAuse he doesnt really have anyone else while my mom will spend it with her new husband and new step son (who has my room since he moved into this house).

tangent: step brothers..... this is the first time ive had one and its probably the wierdest most awkward thing ever, mostly because we have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON. First ill describe mine, the kid grew up with just his dad for most of his life so he hasnt had the best structure of parenting, which might be why he never does really well in school. Hes into really heavy metal and stuff, hes one of those emo types that wears eyeliner and makeup. Its also really sad because this kid has tried to slit his wrists and overdose on painkillers, so on some level i feel really empathetic because i know where i would be without my mom. At the same time he makes no effort to chill or be friendly so i dont think im going to extend myself out there and risk he whole awkwardness thing because i cant really see the benefits of doing so. Anyone that has step brothers can maybe relate to me or maybe tell me if it would actually be beneficial to be the guys friend or something. The way i look at it is that i moved away from college and im never really going to want to be this guys friend in the future or get his advice so theres not even much of a point of being overly affable when im here, i just dont talk to him and hes never really said anything (guys a huge introvert). So i guess thats my observations about having a step brother, its really awkward for me and nobody that comes into my life is going to be more important than my own blood. On the flip side i come back here pretty rarely so its not like i have to deal wth it a lot, just some holidays.

Im also planning on going to Half Moon Bay, which is a small coastal town about 45 minutes south of San Francisco. This is the town where i spent my years until part way through high school, so i have a few friends that i was really really close with before i went to college. It should be really fun, when your a city slicker its aways prett fun and relaxing to go to the country side. It should be a really good time even though when you go off to college your morals and ethics change a little and you dont have all the same things in common, we sould still be able to kick it and have a good time talking about old times.

Im also want to get sharks tickets for the 23rd, im hoping anyways, because there so awesome. Anyone who really knows me how much like the sharks, ever since i was a little kid and now this year there on fire.

Also on winter break im coming out of my semi retired state of poker right now, I havent really put in many hands since november or the amount i wanted to anyway, been busy with trying to get god grades in school and focus on being a little bit more complete. It didnt help running bad to whenever i actually had the time to play, but im excited to play this break and one thing i notice is that after a hiatus i really enjoy the game. Hopefully soon i can get to the point where im playing 1000 or 1500 hands a day but well see about that.

Well I gotta go run some errands real quick and then probably dip to the beach because its such a nice day out. keep it real.

listening to: Charles Hamilton- brooklyn girl

So i was just at The grand casino at hinkley, minnesota. Its in the middle of nowhere but it was a super crazy time. I stayed there for two nights and had a really good time, they got real good restuarants for being in the middle of nowhere and it was my first time gambling slot and there was also live poker (only spread cuz of minnesota law) so played that literally all night from 6:30 to 12 then 12 30 to 6 30 in the morning or so.

My take on live poker is that its kinda meh, i mean its cool to actually see the interpersonal side of poker more and actually play with the chips. Then after awhile those feelings melt away and you realize its just not as tight when your just at one table for hours and have to just fold most of your hands.

Then at 6 30 in the motning we played black jack for about 20-30 minutes. The last couple times ive played black jack ive lost over a hundred dollars each time lol. This time i only sat with 30 or so because i know how rigged it is, but i actually doubled my money, it was insane how many times the dealer bustod. Then in the morning we got breakfast and finally passed out at about 9 30 or so.

When we woke up at 2 or so i found out im just a slot guru, it was amazing how lucky i was getting it was pretty funny. I usually could put in 5 or ten and come out with 10-15 or so at a lot of machines, then i also got 154 off one spin at a 5 cent machine which was crazy. Needless to say we went to the steakhouse and got baby back ribs and a couple of drinks.

What happened next was truly ridiculous, i was just telling boobo this on aim what happened when we sat down to play poker next.

So they have a bad beat jackpot thats over 40 k right now, details is that aces full has to lose to something worse and 5 people have to be sitting, hard to beliebe me and my friend were at ther table (2-10 spread) playting liove poker and i raise kings he flats with aces flop comes A K 10, so my friends just flats the flop and raises tyhe turn when the flush card comes and i just call but river gave me a king so on the river we put in tons of bets and raises and when we finally turned over our hands the place went nuts when there was only 4 people sitting instead of five. The whole place was in pandamonium for about 5 minutes when people were trying to figure out what was going on.

Anyway i just got back and had a real good time, i think that now that im on my own i appreciate vacations way more and take it for granted less than when i was a kid.

Ive been getting really good grades in school specifically one C (at the beginning of the semester) but then 2 a's and 2 b's on my big exams so far and its hard to explain but its really been making me feel good, and boosting my self esteem, which i never thought would happen once i got into poker for sure. Allthough i cant get to cocky and have to keep working hard its really helping my ego.

Also Whats been helping me out is following a stricter diet and consistently going to the gym, its really awesome and im getting back into hardcore weight lifting. Its extremely plus ev, its also wierd that how ive gotten older and have played poker for awhile that what you do away from the table is probably even better for you than time at the table at times, i mean if i could graph my days when i worked out before i played and didnt play the times i didnt i almost feel like i could me a millionaire right now. Feeling better asbout yourself and your decision making means more comfort in your reads and longer sessions. The important lesson to learn is that life is truly aboutout balance and when your balanced everything is all good.

Playing right now: lil wayne- playing with fire

My goal was to update this a little more so im going to do that now. I just was in san francisco for the weekend for my moms second marriage which was cool, a very different experience for me since ive never been to church or a wedding, It was a really spiritual experience, although i dont see myself becoming ardently religious for many reasons.


I love going home because the bay area is the best place in the world, and my family is there. It seems like everytime im there im in a better mood just naturally and i appreciate the beauty of the city now that im gone. One day we toke the dogs for a walk offleash on the beach, not something you can really do here in minneapolis .

Poker wise im getting into donkaments a little more seeing as all my friends are getting 6 figure scores lately (congrats ryan, andrew) ! Im excited to "re learn" them and just maybe i can run them like way back in the day, and im confident because i have two top notch coaches helping me out. either way its exciting to play other games besides no limit. If youve read my blog you would know that im a firm believer in playing a lot of games and not just specializing in one thing, its nice to have balance. Also been grinding cash with good results lately tho yesterday was the first time i played in november so im kind if excited to grind.

Also i got A's on both my last midterms i took so ship that, its been way to long since ive seen that letter.

Im going to keep this one short because i know that people only like to hear the good (or at least all the people i grew up with) and dont like to hear the bad. Those kind of people are all to common if you ask me but it seems sometimes no one wants to stick with you through low times, but will ride up through the the high times, i know everyone feels liek this sometimes. I havent played poker since last thursday because ive had a lot on my mind, and when im really distracted or upset i just dont play any poker. Im not going to go into much deatil here but im a real big family m an and one of the most loyal people i feel at least towards people who are my friends and especially my family members, i mean i know that i would take a bullet for my mother and probably my father and brother, and a few of my close friends. Anyways my parents got divorced right before i left for school so whatever big deal im already pretty much out of the house, and 2 later everything is finally settled and the whole process just left my mom and dad pretty much busto and my dad has made some bad financial decisions which has hampered his ability to retire and thats just ****ing sad, i just hope and pray that when im older i dont have to force myself to go to work when im probably to old to go, and these kind of things make me realize how lucky i am to some extent, but i just really miss my mom and dad because they for the most part supported me in the worst of times, like taking me to a million different doctors when some said i was retarded. I only had hearing disabilities and was lucky enough to be able to get covered and to have two people who believed in me. Its important to realize that famil is number 1, the thiong i love about my family and friends is that there is no deception and there is no crazy ups and downs, they love you and treat you relatively the same no matter what, like dogs. Basically when im going through times like this i just focus on other things, i have been going to ballys a lot lately and ju jitsu and mma classes with a couple friends of mine (highly recommend this by the way). Also ive been working on a ton of school reading and projects because i got two c +'s on my last two tests. Its early but i gotta get those grades up. I hope i get back to the poker table soon, but im not gunna force it eventhough im up about 8 k of the 30-40 i wanted to make this month, last couple times i loaded up some tables i would just be really pissed when i lost pots which means its time to get off the table and play when im thinking rationally.

sorry if this is to hard to read or not grammatically correct everywhere, or is to emo for everyone but i dont really care at this point in time right now

i just came in here to write because i am at school right now 3 hours early for a class, was hoping to hit the gym here but a class is in there sigh, so im kinda bored and might do some grinding before class.

Things with poker have been pretty good lately, and i have been grinding more hands than i ever have before (which is like 1-2 k a day) lol and playing more tables than i really ever used to, right now im playing 8 or even 10 at times and i think its actually made me better since im not quite so fpsy and all over the place and being agressive in better spots.

One thing ive been doing is playing a lot more full ring and im starting to like it, i find it funny when people are to cocky to play full ring or they say that there above it or something or its not "exciting " enough, i really dont get it. either way ive been really liking playing it as it increases my multi table ratio really easy and my decisions are more automatic, it just creates a lot of stress free, money with less variance. The regular players there are just not that great and playing a lot of tables (there very easy to read) , and lots of fish. i think ive made something like 10 buyins since thursday just in full ring at 2/4- 3/6, i have no idea exactly though, but it seems effortless compared to tough six max games ive been used to.

In full ring ive also been doing some limping utg lately which i like to do against agressive players with hands like low pp's a j ss, a q o, and aces and kings. Ill limp raise the aces and kings and some other low pp's as bluffs. Its amazing how profitable this is when you mix it up against mindless people who raise ur limp with a wide range.

Also i played some Hu yesterday as a change of pace and did well so i might be playing more of it in the future, eventhough i was a loser at heads up for a long time and technically might still be down in it who knows but right now i feel alright about my game. On thing ive noticed is that starting tables is a lot better than sitting in vrs people and "select" who you play. When you go looking for games you find a shorter stack and youll often get tricked because hes a reg pretending to be a fish but when you sit down and someone sits in and doesnt have 100 bb's then you know for sure its weak. When you get some reputation in HU games and you are sitting on tables the other regs that know your good wont play you because there bumhunters and then all the fish will sit in.

Ive also been doing a lot of working out lately, going to mma and ju jitsu classes and i recommend it highly to other people. Also ive been getting back into weight lifting again and im starting to see my muscles again!!!! its amazing what the effects poker has on you sometimes.

Hey guys i dont know how many people are going to be reading this blog but i wanted to take the initive to make it for a few reasons. The first is that i want to hold myself accountable for everything that is important to me right now like poker, school, and just life in general. When you play poker or you find a niche that your really good at, your confidence unfortunately spews into other areas of life, making you more stuck up and less accountable (I make money in poker, why should i have to workout, and do school work like everyone else right?!?!?!?!). Also i think self reflecting is very important in order to further yourself as a better person, and more importantly honest introspection will be the best method. The last reason I am putting this blog up is for support. The time in college away from my family and all my best friends in california made me realize how important the support of your friends and family are in achieving your goals.
I remember when i had amazing grades in school, and i would play travel hockey about 4 times a week, and it all seemed so easy for me. Now i realize it was only because i wasnt alone, like i feel when im playing poker, totally alone. These days in poker it is like a war, its really competitve as the games start to get tougher and the number of regulars is smaller. Its like in class when your all graded on a curve and people are hesitant to share notes with you because it might negatively impact your scores. This is all part of the game and not a big deal, we all just obviously have to adapt but i cant image the golden days when there were plenty of bad players and i actually made friends playing poker and stuff ( i remember i met rob playing 2/4 randomly one day where we struck up a converstaion and started talking on aim about 2 years ago, slightly veiled brag i know). In poker everyone looks out for there own self interest though and i understand that.
So basically I want to start updating this blog more frequently and hopefully people will read it but im fine if people dont want to read it because its just a place for me to reflect. Let me say first off that i feel really good right now, and i feel like i finally have my head on my shoulders right, I was looking at my last post and i was just in awe at how upset and messed up i seemed at the time. It might have to do with the fact that i got mixed up with con artists and deadbeats and drug dealers and ****, either way my head feels clear now. Right now im starting to be a schedule oriented person and a goal oriented person, which is starting to pay big dividends since the last year or so ive been really lazy and ever since ive started getting good at poker my motivation ironically decreased 10 fold. Its really tough, and not a lot of people understand what its like to reach most of there poker goals at such a young age (seriously not trying to be condecending, just trying to reflect). I mean at that point what do you live for?. Its taking me some time and some soul searching but i feel like ive gotten some of my motivation back and it took me time to re evaluate my goals in poker after i felt like i accomplished most of them.
Also its sort of related but i also now feel that what you do away from the table (obviously maybe) is maybe more important than what you do on the table. Things like going tot he gym frequently to boost your self esteem, and hanging out with your friends on the weekend to build relationships and network, all of these things ive realized are almost as important to your bottom line as studying poker or playing poker at times, i used to think it was alll about the money but if you have no friends theres no one to share your sucess with. btw you should never feel that you are forced to play poker, if so your not playing optimally and probably should take a break. Anyway i feel pretty good right now. that was a lot of stuff and I look forward to blogging more, talking hands and such, i think it will be really beneficial.

p.s. I guess this wasnt really about poker at all so im going to put down my goals really fast, which are to make 50 k a month in cash games and put in 1-2 k hands in a day whether its Hu full ring or 6 max. I also want to get back into tournaments since i used to be really good at them and its easy to get a big edge, i also can get a little bored of just a straight grind all the time playing 6 max No limit holdem

Wierd time to start this i suppose but feel like venting somewhere. School is really gay and im starting to question my motivation and drive for it in the long time, im just very frusterated with it right now, putting in a lot of work (waste of time) and still seeing almost nothing for it. . first I write thew wrong date for my paper its 2 days late for half credit, my nutrition project is apparently in the wrong format, so i get no credit and i thought i had a's or b's on both my midterms and i got 69 and 52 percent respectively. Ive spent my last week telling my professors and ta's implicitly to suck a ****, which was probably the wrong attitude but w/e. Also our landlord sold our property and we now have to move out right after finals so i might have to find a new place to stay over the summer or go back and stay with my family in california. I made like 9 k over the weekend but everything else seems so bad right now.