OK so the last few nights, excluding tonight, I got a little stuck, or games were great, or both, and I ended up grinding all night. The first night I had a friend over and so there were some people in my room until 9 AM playing 'high' (relatively) stakes. This was pretty fun, since they were tipsy and arguing with each other over every play- and in general getting owned by an atrocious regular. I had a handful of heads up tables and maybe some 6m tables, I don't remember. Anyways, I ended up doing a bunch of swinging, never really getting stuck more than 40k or so, and winning some in the end. The next night was more of the same. I came home to my parents house for the weekend to watch the Sox, and I ended up staying up until the sun came up for some reason playing online. I think I won this night too, but everything is starting to get pretty blurry. I played more today and won some. I think the month is going good and I've been on the super grind patrolling the streets. I will have to ask for Probability's help in getting my hands from my laptop to my desktop, and I'll throw a HEM graph at you guys about 1/3 through the month. Although I played just okay towards the end of the week, I've been on point playing this weekend. Very pleased with that.

In additional poker news, I like the new Leggo site. It's much more aerodynamic or something. My roommate told me that in general it's a bad idea for websites to have dark colors, but I think it works okay with Leggo because it's a lot of grays and graphite type colors. I'm sure there will be even more features once the site gets smoother, and I'm excited to see the new front page. Leggo now have a forum on 2+2 as well. This is cool because most of us are originally 'from' 2+2, so it gives us our own little 'gang-gathering' to BS and whatnot within the site that started it all for most of us. I'd like you all to give that forum some traffic; it's a good place to get our attention, give us praise, tell us what you want, etc. Just another outlet, but I like when Leggo gets high exposure.

Also, I wrote a new strategy article/ ongoing thread type thing in the Private Strat Forum. I think it's good, and it gives an overview of lots of vernacular that poker players use everyday. Some of it will turn out to be simple, and other parts of it will be more complex to its audience. In the end, I just hope to keep a running tab on lots of poker terms, and I think the thread will explode with explanation (alliteration intended). Check it out and let me know what you guys think, and also keep throwing strat suggestions and I'll keep bugging every Leggo Coach that you want to write an article.

I'm not doing my official blog to review Fooled By Randomness just yet, but I wanted to talk about the variance in baseball briefly for some reason. The White Sox sort of suck right now, but it's still pretty unlucky that they lost the first two games in Tampa Bay. Despite having a stellar regular season, the Rays were a pretty good team for the White Sox to draw in the first round. Unfortunately, it's extremely gay that they play in this ugly-ass dome on turf. I cannot, for the life of me, understand who approved a team in Tampa Bay to get a dome. The astro turf really makes baseball unwatchable- there are just so many stupid variables and home field advantage things. How can baseball be pure and such when it's played on carpet? I can only imagine a prominent basketball team switching to rubber or carpeting to play on; it would be the most absurd thing ever.

I'd say that the Sox don't win game 1 very often, simply because Vasquez has been very mediocre at the end of this year. Despite him always having sick 'stuff,' he's always wilted in the big game. Oh well, I just pray if we somehow force a game 5 he doesn't start. If he does, I'll cry and be all mad and throw a tantrum in my blog. More than likely, they'll start Buerhle on 3 days or go to Clayton Richard- both things I would approve of. The second game was a complete heartbreaker for me though. I'm positive they win that game more than 60% of the time, especially given that they put 2 on the board in the first inning (that is, if you calculate their odds of winning at that point in time it was much higher than 60% even). Mark Buerhle is simply nasty. Aside from Jamie Moyer, no one does more with an 86 MPH fastball and average other pitches. Mark does all the little things right. He's absolutely unreal. An unlucky error to let the first run come in, and then a mistake out over the plate and some chump who hit 6 HRs during the regular season tattoos it to the opposite field. So gay. Most of this 'timing' stuff that everyone talks about in sports is just HRL (hidden random luck).

Anyways, I'm going to the game tomorrow and sitting in Club seats. I'm pretty excited. Unlike the chokers across town, the White Sox expectations weren't high enough for me to be let down. Despite having the division lead for most of the year, I'm just glad they got in the playoffs this year. I cherish every Sox playoff game I'm able to go to, and the fact that they won it in '05 was more than I could ask for. As long as the effort stays strong in the front office, I'll be a happy camper. I could go on and on about the Sox, but it's about time to put a bow on this particular blog post.

Finally, you might see me running people off the RailHeaven streets in the coming weeks. We've put a little corporation together and we've decided those games are too soft not to take a shot at them. We'll see how that goes; I'm sure it'll be the cause of an agonizing blog post in the near future.

Be good.

September was a pretty weird month poker-wise. I think I got stuck about 100 at the beginning of the month, then got it all back. I'm not entirely sure what the final tally was because of trading action and a lot of different computers but I would guess that I made 50-100k. There has to be at least a 50-100k margin for error there, so I'm not going to pretend that it's very accurate.

October will be a huge poker month for me. I'm going to get on the grind hard starting around the end of the first week, take a vacation to Florida in the middle of the month, and then smash the end of the month. I predict a quarter million in profits, minimum. Really big things, I'm due after all this mediocrity.

It'll be a pretty big month for Leggo as well, as we've got a few tricks up our sleeve, promotions, etc. in the next few weeks. I have a few videos recorded, heads up here and there, something else I've never done video-wise, and some member contribution stuff. The new forum on 2+2 will be fun- just another place for us to all get together and talk about how cool we are.

Something about tonight- the White Sox won three games in three days against three different teams to prevent a monstrous choke and sneak in the playoffs. Today's 1-0 win on a 461 foot home run by Jim Thome (Thooome-raaahn) and two hit John Danks gem was the absolute nut way to get into the playoffs. After feeling pretty unbelievably terrible about them, I think they might still have a little bit of 2005 magic in them yet. I'm going home this weekend to see games 3 and 4 against the Rays at Comiskey. I'm pretty pumped again, I just love being at a White Sox game when they're playing well more than anything.

I feel like I'm missing stuff that I wanted to talk about, but since I can't think of it I'll save it for next time.

Be good.

Few Quick updates:

I played and cashed in the WCOOP ME. It was a sick tournament with a huge prize pool, and I actually kind of enjoyed playing in it. My boy, who I had 20% of, made it to day 2. Unfortunately, he ran into a standard cooler 60/40 situation and busted pretty quickly into the second day. So much for grand thoughts of 1.775 milski chopped up between a bunch of my boys. We even talked about how we were insta taking a Benyamine shot. Kind of cool to think about how when I do get the loot and the balls to take a 'shot' I'll have such a huge edge. Also kind of surreal that almost all the 500-1k games that run are much softer than 10-20.

I was on the 2+2 Pokercast recently. The interview was long (mostly because I made it long and didn't short any answers) and thorough. I'm fairly pleased with how it came out, although I did talk a little bit too fast. Nevertheless, Mike and Adam were really good hosts and sounded very educated about me, which led to a lot of good discussion. I'm glad they lived up to the hype as far as giving interviews go, it's certainly not as easy as it looks. I definitely recommend taking a listen to that episode, as they have a short segment from a guy who just cashed for 1m+ in the WCOOP, and another pretty sick live tournament player who I've met a handful of times in real life.

My memoirs series has finally been made public. So far, so good with regards to the interest it has drawn. I'm hoping that it takes a bunch of mediocre midstakes players into the next level. There's more information, along with answering any questions you might have about it, here, in the 2+2 Coaching Advice forum.

Finally, I'm watching the WSOP from this year briefly on reruns (because I can't bear to watch another SportsCenter with the White Sox choking), and Jerry Yang busts with AJ to A9. The amazing thing to me was the way he went out. He gets it in with AJ to A9 when he's very short, probably like 10 big blinds or less (guessing). The flop runs out 9 6 5, and Yang just stares at the table in utter disbelief, saying "unbelievable."

Is this guy serious bro? He won some ridiculous amount of money by playing unbelievably bad poker, and he was amazed that he got sucked out on for like 10 big blinds in the following years event? Shouldn't his reaction have just been, "Thank you Jesus for last year, even if I lose with AJ to A9 everytime for the rest of my life, I will still be running so far and beyond my expectation for my poker career that it won't even be in the same dimension."

If I won 10m or whatever, I would absolutely never complain about anything ever again. Ever.

Full Tilt Poker Game #8149333516: Table Orman (deep hu) - $25/$50 - No Limit Hold'em - 7:01:48 ET - 2008/09/20
Seat 1: aejones ($23,007.55)
Seat 2: dresdenGreen ($14,813)
aejones posts the small blind of $25
dresdenGreen posts the big blind of $50
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to aejones [6h 6d]
aejones raises to $100
dresdenGreen calls $50
*** FLOP *** [Kc 6s 7c]
dresdenGreen checks
aejones bets $200
dresdenGreen raises to $600
aejones raises to $1,775
dresdenGreen raises to $3,400
aejones calls $1,625
*** TURN *** [Kc 6s 7c] [3s]
dresdenGreen has 15 seconds left to act
dresdenGreen bets $3,750
aejones has 15 seconds left to act
aejones raises to $19,507.55, and is all in
dresdenGreen calls $7,563, and is all in
aejones shows [6h 6d]
dresdenGreen shows [5h 4d]
Uncalled bet of $8,194.55 returned to aejones
*** RIVER *** [Kc 6s 7c 3s] [Jh]
aejones shows three of a kind, Sixes
dresdenGreen shows a straight, Seven high
dresdenGreen wins the pot ($29,625.50) with a straight, Seven high
aejones: sdlfkjasdl;fkjasdg'ajshfdg;k
aejones adds $1,805.45
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $29,626 | Rake $0.50
Board: [Kc 6s 7c 3s Jh]
Seat 1: aejones (small blind) showed [6h 6d] and lost with three of a kind, Sixes
Seat 2: dresdenGreen (big blind) showed [5h 4d] and won ($29,625.50) with a straight, Seven high

HU SNGs are like drugs. They're seriously no skill, pure monkey shovefests where it's constant gambling and swings within even every hand. It's a race, it's 60/40, it's a 70/30, I get coolered, single digit big blinds, yawn, cry, laugh. The caveat is that the regulars, and even guys that will multi table you, are absolutely atrocious. These guys wouldn't know NLHE if it hit them in the face with a ****en brick.

Tonight I ended up just laying low and hitting up PF Chang's with the woman. Scrumptious noodles and lettuce wraps and fun. At night I pulled up some random tables to play hu. I sat at my usual selection of tables, but no dice. I literally forgot that I had them up and surfed the internet for 2+ hours without a single person so much as sniffing my tables. All these chumps and their game selection!

So for some reason I played like 30 5k HU SNGs last night, got down like 30k but broke even. Ran really bad overall, just kept getting coolered and losing the standard stuff. I finally went to bed way too late and slept through my first class.

Fast forward to tonight, with no games running, I hit up the same random donks playing the 5ks, and I just can't stop myself from sitting. I'm marginal at best with 15-20 bbs, and average with 30 bbs, but these guys are sooo bad at all stack sizes it's absolutely unreal. I wish they weren't such a crapshoot, but even if my edge is only a few hundred bucks and I get a bunch of FPPs and VPPs (directly related to the ass-rape I pay for rape), they're fun enough since I can't get a soul in the world to play me at HU NL. I even IM'd like half my buddy list and got bricked.

I got stuck like 60k tonight right away, it was super gay, I just couldn't believe my eyes. I was down like 50-million chips in all in equity, I had to be. Everything that could go wrong did. I was so gayed out I thought I was going to bust my Stars account... but frankly, that would be hard. I ended up running decent in flips and stuff and getting to -20k. The last one I was down to like 600 chips, got up to 2600-400, lost something stupid or insignificant like J6 to K2, lost something else, lost AT to 22 or something, and I don't remember- it was just a stupid roller coaster that I came out on the bad end of. I think twice in the last two days I've had guys down to 100 chips and lost, that's a little tilting.

Still, with all the variance associated with these things, it's kind of stupid to be too cocky. I'd still like to know how bad I ran- anyone know if HEM or anywhere else can get my HHs and find out what my EV is? Would be nice to know so I can sleep better in the near future.

These HU SNG guys are super clowny, just talking **** to me like they don't know who I am. It's pretty annoying, but I stopped paying attention to it. One guy said he'd pay me 5k to play 100 of them- so we started last night and played 28. Then after this clown started to ask me for advice (lol), I just turned chat off altogether so I didn't get too tilted. Finally, I put it back on like 20 minutes later to ask him what number we're on, and this guy is talking to himself. It was awesome- he says something about how good I run, then he says he 'just stumbled across my blog' (translation: I read your blog daily, I worship your nuts, I'm happy just to be across the table from you) and something about me being a tool. Jesus I was cracking up. Unfortunately, he 'forgot what number we were on' (translation: you were never getting your money, you whore), so I'm sure he won't pay me the 5k, if he would happen to have it after we finished.

Anyhow, it's super ridiculously late, I need to sleep so I can play ball tomorrow, pick up my boy from the airport, and finish sealing up the Memoirs series to be released this weekend or the beginning of next week (thanks to everyone for inquiring, it looks like the wait is just about over). Hopefully I'll get to see Burn After Reading or whatever that movie is with Brad Pitt. The White Sox suck terribly right now, which is pretty depressing considering how terrible the Twins are and how badly they're trying to hand us the Division. Also, I'm going to be on the 2+2 Pokercast next week. I'll make sure I link you lazy ass mother ****ers when it's up.

Be Good.

I have a lot of blogs to write, but this is perhaps the most overdue.

Poker is an individual 'sport.' As a result of this, there's a lot of hate and jealousy around all circles. Examples of this, in case you're oblivious, include: high stakes players talking **** about other high stakes players, tournament players talking **** about how big of luckboxes other tournament players are, etc. It's a very common sight; almost everyone has an enemy. I happen to have many- because I'm actually good at what I do and am aware of it (to the point of being an ******* about it, most of the time).

I would say that there is almost no time in which I'm fully happy for the success of another player; with a few exceptions. I'm always 95% happy for Jimmie or Chewy to have any success, despite Jimmie winning in excess of 7 figures and me barely having any percentage of him, ever (running hot at high stakes, or to get to high stakes, is probably the root of all poker jealousy/hate). The conditions for me not hating someone are that they have to 'deserve' it (that is, they must play well) and I have to know them personally, to know they aren't a jackass (there are some exceptions to this). As I said, almost no one fits this bill. I mean, Dave (Raptor) and I talked about this briefly the other day: we find ourselves even being a bit jealous or hating our own friends for their success! 'Why is this clown going on a half-million dollar heater?' 'Why does this clown get David Benyamine HU and set over set him?' Sometimes it's just not fair.

For instance, someone like Menlo comes to mind. Isaac Baron is one of the top NLHE players in many different forms. But not only is he probably the best tournament player in the world, but he's also run much better than just about anyone at them- it's impossible for anyone to have NEAR the edge that he's exemplified in his results. It's just unreal how well he must have run in them, probably like 60%+ in coinflips, maybe more! That's not to say that he doesn't deserve it for sure, and Isaac and I have talked on AIM and met a couple of times, so I know he's a good guy, but sometimes enough is enough! I cringe when someone with some much talent runs so amazing.

Speaking of running amazing, Elky is a perfect example- He basically doesn't even play poker, he just randomly clicks buttons like a video game, and he wins the PCA and gets second yesterday in a 25k HU tournament? Life isn't fair. The guy probably has a 1m+ bankroll and is atrocious at poker, probably a 3-6 winner at best, maaaybe 5-10. Either way, he's just run amazing. I was in that HU tournament, I played terribly and didn't make a pair and got a terrible draw; I was in the PCA, I got aces in preflop to twos and did not come out a champion. I'm getting good at complaining lately, but this feels like one of those spots where I just want to castrate this guy and hang him by his toes. Elky and Stevesbets got top two in a 25k HU tournament- seriously! Neither of them knows how to tie their own shoes, relatively speaking in poker terms, but all I can do is sit back and pray that they bring it to high stakes cash.

It's funny how far something like this can carry; but maybe my ego and outlook of poker is an outlier among the poker community. The other day I was playing Jimmie HU for fun, and I found him doing some things that I thought were really bad- I called him out on it, so much so that I was talking **** to him. This is a good friend of mine that I've known for three years (speaking of which, it was his birthday three days ago, we got him a Ms Pacman machine- so PM AlusivPnkBny and tell him happy birthday and you want to have his babies, or re-watch his legendary video) and I couldn't stop chastising him for stupid differences of opinion (okay, some of them he's just plain wrong on, but the EV differences aren't huge). I beat him for 8 buy ins, but that's not the point. This happened again yesterday, I get physically angry that I just couldn't make a pair against Ansky. I've known him for a few years and I'd consider him one of my better poker friends, but I was actually mad that he was making a comment about how I had won 90% of the first 10 showdowns, a fairly insignificant stat in that sample. I was just really mad and I 'felt' like he kept making hands, but it was irrelevant because I was distracted and for some reason just played terrible all day- even succumbing to losing to Rainkahn HU in the 25k Overflow. Sigh.

I've found myself several dozen times wanting to eat the children of my opponents, just because of atrocious play and not because they don't donate to charity or they kick puppies. It kind of worries me that I feel like this, that I can be blinded by my competitive nature and just become such a huge jackass. I will say that it's good that I do not tilt because of this anymore- that is, my 'standards' have become so ingrained in me that I tilt very rarely, and when I do I err on the side of justifiable plays most of the time. I think in my younger days my tilt issues were very related to this jealousy.

I'm not sure how much hate I actually have for 'pure' donks anymore (we'll take guys like Stevesbets and Elky out of the pure donk category just because of the frequency with which they play, and the fact that they might be winners in some games they could play). For instance, I have 'matured' enough to stop being a jackass to people who the games gather around, or HU opponents that I want to play forever until my eyes bleed. I'm only human, so in these instances I have to try extraordinarily hard to put on a smiley face and speak in tongues of my Sunday-best. It's difficult for sure, but the big picture has helped me put situations like this in perspective. I urge you all to exercise the same control to the best of your ability- if you have to be mean, please level them so hard that they don't have the slightest clue of your intentions. I have found through a lot of practice that killing even the worst donk with kindness or some slick words can give yourself gratification, even if he doesn't know it.

Poker is funny like that, it can change personalities and demeanors on a dime.

Okay, not really.

Lately, however, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, so to speak. A lot of thinking about the future, and perhaps more importantly, the present. I'm not a pessimist though; I certainly don't sit around thinking about how mundane my life is, or how I'm not contributing to society enough, blah blah blah. However, in light of school (lol) starting up against and this thread on 2+2, I've been re-examining my 'career' as a poker player, and more than that, my life.

First off, let me start by saying that although I'm not a pessimist, I'm certainly not an optimist. I'm extraordinarily realistic. I think that I am very in tune with reality. My ego might suggest otherwise, but frankly a lot of that is either hot air or, ::gasp::, truth.

For a long time, perhaps even before I had money, I thought that everyday I was alive and healthy, and my family and friends were alive and healthy, was a great day. I remember this quote from one of my favorite movies (Office Space):

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

That quote is relevant to me for two reasons. First, it always showed me that I never wanted that life. It's not so much about the cubicle, it's about the confinement. Frankly, I spend a lot of time on a computer- so much that if you put a cubicle for 4+ hours a day around me, I might never leave it! Nevertheless, the metaphorical confinement of not going anywhere, not being ambitious, not having the ability for vertical movement (both at your job and in life) always scared me. I never really had a career path. Some people put on a fireman's helmet when they're 12 and never take it off, some guys put on a space helmet and become an astronaut, some girls put on a mini-skirt and become sluts- the point is that we all figure out what we want to do with our lives at different junctures. I haven't found my niche yet, so for the time being I'm thankful that I was able to reach the top 1% in the world in my 'profession' before the age of 22 (and quite likely sooner than that); and I'll continue to look for something that entices me further.

The other reason that quote is worthy of discussion is because I think my life is quite the opposite; everyday I wake up is better than the day before. This merits less discussion. Quite simply, I'm glad to be alive, I've got two good eyes, two goods arms, two good legs, two good ears, a pretty decent and kind of crooked nose, most of my hair, not too many physical ailments, and a mouth that could talk the entire population of Alaska into buying bags of ice. I'm blessed. My family is healthy and I like them, in addition to loving them (I believe that the former is more rare than the latter). Jesus, I'm a lucky guy. If I die driving home tonight, I want everyone to know how lucky I am.

However, I have demons.

What does that mean exactly? Well, there's a lot of things in my everyday life that are imperfect, that bother me. My ability to look at the big picture (I wrote a blog called 'Sweat the Small Stuff' I think regarding this) is second to none in my opinion, but I'm hassled and bother by a lot of weird stuff on a daily basis that keeps me on an even keel.

In some of my philosophy classes we're talking about enlightenment. If you could know 'everything,' would you choose to? I'm pretty torn on that issue. At the moment, I consider myself fairly educated, above average for my age and class for sure, but not spectacularly driven, or prone to great retention. I'm aware of a lot of 'knowledge' about life that a lot of kids my age aren't. Perhaps I'm stating this wrong... What I'm trying to say is that I'm more perceptive to life, it's 'purpose' and priorities than most. If it was up to me, would I choose to be this intelligent? Or would I rather think that the greatest I could hope to achieve was manager at McDonald's and twelve dollars an hour?

There are some things that I'm glad I don't know: for example, I'm with Jack all the way on this one.. I don't want to know how our country is protected, the threats that we have on a daily basis, the corruption, etc. I want them on that wall, I need them on that wall; I want to be able to sleep at night in peace, and I'm thankful that I can do that without worrying about things that are beyond my control.

Other things, I'm happy that I'm informed about. For example: tons of poker players talk **** about other groups of poker players. "So and so is terrible, LOL what a tourney donk." Or, more hilariously, "That cash game donk is a huge dog in this tournament!" Some people are right. 2-4 midstakes grinder has every right to say that tournament player X has run hot to make his money, and that he grossly misunderstands concepts. 3-6 midstakes regular who sees me make one questionable play in a video and thinks I ran hot to get where I am, however, is wrong. Here is where I'm positive I'm in the top 1% of poker players; all the **** I talk is backed up when I run the streets and sit on dozens upon dozens of tables all by my lonesome. So in this regard, a lot of people are ignorant (those that are arguing about how a certain live pro is the 'best' because he won 3 tournaments in one year! So sick, he ran good for 10 thousand hands! No way!), but I'm informed. I'd have it no other way.

I'm not really sure about the 'life issue,' however. Some days I wish I didn't have such lofty goals. I wish I could sit around and think about when I'm gonna get drunk next, or how to pick up the random girl with tig 'ol bitties. It can't really happen though, there is no going back, so this is 'our burden' (our refers to intelligent people, I guess, and maybe some poker players, or something). I accept it. There are a lot of worse things in life.

I'm very torn about a lot of issues though.

Everyday, I have an internal struggle with whether or not I should cash a bunch of money out and play 5-10 and 10-20 because the swings at high stakes are too much and I'm very risk averse. "The money is good at 5-10 and 10-20! vs Boredem will overtake you and 25-50+ is too soft!"

Everyday, I fight with myself about how materialistic I am or am not. I sit around and say, "Buy a car you *****, you deserve it, you have plenty of money!" Then the next day I tell myself that I don't need it; I'm very much about who I am, my values, my intellect, my friends and family. Frankly though, it doesn't matter who I am, it's what I do that will define me (lol Batman!). If I buy a sweet pimp-ass ride do I become everything that I don't approve of?

Everyday, (or, four days a week, but I'm trying to keep structure here) I go to class and look at my professor who is smarter than me and certainly much wiser (all of them). They are trying to teach me something that I'm either moderately interested in or not interested in at all- so I start thinking about how much 'better' I am than them because I've made so much money! Look at the ice on my wrist! I just can't figure out why I think this.

Everyday, I sit in my room and tell myself I'm not going to class, I'm going to sleep...

OK, so I never really needed to be in intensive care or anything, but I think my poker career is going to be okay. I can't really explain it in words, but most of you understand the panic of a poker player in distress. Sometimes it just feels like variance is beating down on you and everything is going wrong at the same time. Although I can't quite imagine exactly what my emotions were at that moment, I just know that I felt like I'd never win in poker again.

But what do I know, I was wrong.

I wasn't planning on playing poker on Wednesday, because I had some schoolwork I had to get to (I just wanted to be prepared since it was my first full week of classes). However, I got a message from Eskaborr saying that he wanted to play. Unfortunately, I enjoy money too much to pass that up (please note that this is a very special occasion and a very special emotion, because I have never used, nor do I intend on using in the future, smiley faces of any kind).

So, we played 6 tables for 2k hands. Something happened, I think I watched TV. He messaged me again, then we 6 tabled for 2k more hands. This second match went decidedly better than the first, although I ran equally terrible in both of them. Something else happened, I think I probably went and got a milkshake, and when I came back he wanted to play again. And play we did. We 8 tabled in the last session, getting in a total of ~6500 hands on the day? Something like that. I ran ~25k below equity (managed to play some fun ones, which I guess I'll reluctantly show you guys [1] [2], and otherwise just played a bunch of flips). Still, I managed to win about 10 buy ins off of him, so that was cool. I think I ran really good in the coolerific type of spots, but I'm not really sure.

That was a good way to start the climb out of the DS, and today was nice as well. I don't really think I won much money today, maybe 10k at the most, but it was just a very relaxing day. I lost like 3k 8 tabling 10-20 and 25-50 6m in the evening, then I just chilled out and went and bought a grill with my roomate, etc. I came back at night kind of determined to not play, since I was stuck a very insignificant amount and there weren't many games running (nor did I expect to get any action at HU). So, I got a milkshake and played Madden all night, until I finally had to sit at some shorthanded 50-1 games on FTP. There were 2-4 running for a while. They were pretty good, not quite amazing, but fun low-variance ish type spots. I also got action from one of the donks at 50-1 HU, where I got up a little and then he did this to me [3], must have been trying out some advanced strategy out.

At the same time, with only one buy in in my account, I sat vs one of my favorite spots: Brianm. He's awesome to play, because everything he does remarkably wrong is very easy to counter. Again, a fairly low variance match (when compared to HU against 'regulars' or 'good players.'). However, he won a bunch of pots where he called called called and had pairs and I had nothing, but didn't want to get caught bluffing my entire bankroll off.

!

So, I finally 2 pair over 2 paired him, won another pot, caught him bluff raising, triple barreled him, one a 3-bet pot, and voila! I've got ~40k in my account, from down to like 7500 at the low point. It was a pretty cool feeling because I was so confident! I sent an instant message to the famous g-p that stated "I'm going to actually bust my Stars account right now, it's kind of sick, I've never done anything like this." Then, g-p, a master at being down to his last buy in (or bet), told me that the key to not busting your account is positive thinking. So, I began to think positively, and things started turning around! I give him all the credit, and will send him $5 in honor of this great comeback today.

I've got nearly 250 online again, so I feel okay about myself. Confidence is at about a B- I'd say, but on its way up. And, even better, I am not going to play for the next two days! Yes! I'm very happy about this, no doubt. I've played kind of a lot of hands in September (~12k already), so I'm ready for this break.

On the slate for this weekend: going to pick up my night stand and barstools tomorrow that I bought today, going mini-golfing with the girlyfriend, then football Sunday! with my parents and some friends coming over to our place for the Bears-Colts game. Kind of excited about that, especially with the new grill my roommate bought (idk, he spent almost 1k on it, my boy told me he just got a sick one for 200, so I'm not sure exactly what 800 bucks buys... maybe it'll cook your food and give you a blowjob at the same time? If so, I might have to try my hand at the culinary arts this weekend).

Quite the busy body For the next 48 hours or so, but looking forward to it more than a weekend stuck in the house playing online poker.

On one last semi-whiney-but-definitely-not-Dave-Benefield note, I can't get my 100-200 hands from today to import into my HEM. I get kind of frustrated and angry, but in reading the HEM forums it looks like they've had some previous problems with Stars HHs? I'm thinking since there was an update like 48 hours ago there needs to be a patch or something? If someone can figure out why my stars HHs from today won't appear, just post a comment or something. I just wanted to show you guys how I *think* I'm in the green for September, but no graphs without that 100-200. Sigh, the HEM interface and options are so sick, I just wish I was technologically competent enough to figure everything out.

I think this got a little long and it probably won't get any comments since it's less slit-my-wrists emo, eh?


Appendix:

------------------
HAND #1
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Full Tilt Poker, $25/$50 NL Hold'em Cash Game, 2 Players
LeggoPoker.com - Hand History Converter

SB: $11,195.50
Hero (BB): $6,094

Pre-Flop: 3 K dealt to Hero (BB)
SB raises to $150, Hero calls $100

Flop: ($300) 5 3 K (2 Players)
Hero checks, SB bets $250, Hero raises to $777, SB raises to $1,450, Hero raises to $2,323, SB raises to $11,045.50 and is All-In, Hero calls $3,621 and is All-In

Turn: ($12,188) T (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

River: ($12,188) 2 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Results: $12,188 Pot ($0.50 Rake)
SB showed 4 A (a straight, Five high) and WON $12,187.50 (+$6,093.50 NET)
Hero showed 3 K (two pair, Kings and Threes) and LOST (-$6,094 NET)




------------------...

I don't understand, I can't stop playing.

I can't really stop losing either.

I decided to play some 5-10 6m on Stars, which was a nice and comfortable change of pace. I was just going to play a few hands and then play some Madden and go to sleep.

Then, Benyamine was sitting 200-400, so I had to play. Ended up losing about 12k, but that wasn't the end of the world.

I left the computer.

When I came back, I had an itch to try out this HEM more and grind some hands at Stars 5-10 to try and get a roll back on there.

That started out kind of bad, but I made a little bit of a comeback and didn't lose more than a buy in or two. Then, I noticed a few 25-50 games running. There was a huge donk named xorbie on a few tables shorthanded, so I sat with the hopes that they would end up HU eventually. I ran really terrible and got super coolered and dropped my entire Stars roll. This is the closest, by far, that I've come to busting a poker account in probably 18 months or more. It's kind of depressing because I am at my peak of running the streets. Pretty much no one will play me, but now I'm Stars flat broke!

I've got a few hundred on FTP and the W$ to buy into the 25k HU, but I'm still kind of depressed about this. I don't know why, but thisis the second day in the row that I didn't play poker, or vowed not to play, and lost $30k. It's getting to the point where $30k almost means something to me and I need to start playing lower stakes if I want to be able to mentally handle these $200k downswings, which happen all too frequently. I think I'll play 5-10 and 10-20 nonstop until I have $100k in my Stars account.

This whole most recent debacle is also causing me to rethink school. I do school primarily because there isn't anything much else to do with myself and it keeps me motivated. I don't plan on dropping out, although it gets more and more difficult with each passing day and each second in a boring classroom.

Another awful and late night, more bad sleep, I'm completely out of whack and spiraling.

I need some September goals to save myself or something.

In September, since I started off down 60 or 75 or whatever, I'd be pretty happy just getting to +100. Very happy, in fact. With the new computer and switching to HEM and selling pieces and buying pieces, I'm devastated at how bad my records are. I know that whatever my HEM says right now, I'm probably actually down since I started playing on the desktop.

It's really amazing how ridiculous this poker thing is.

I guess it's not that big of a deal, but I probably won't take tomorrow off. Realistically, I'll just have to play better and exhibit some of the mental toughness that I talk about from time to time. Poker's hard, but it's rewarding with the income I suppose.

Also in September, I want to get about 100 put into some bonds or something. Everything I own is losing money in the stock market, and I'm more than happy making 5-6%. I'm fairly cynical when it comes to stuff like that. Since I don't have any actual real estate investments or something of the like, putting my money somewhere that it isn't actually going to decline would be pretty nice!

I think I'm also due to go to a chiropractor. I'm in pretty bad shape physically, and my back has always had at least moderate problems. I think having some kind of routine weekly with regards to that would be pretty nice. I also need to get back in the gym and actually lift a weight or two and run up and down the court and pretend like I used to play basketball or something.

Man, life's rough or something.

Man, life's rough or something.

I constantly feel like I complain about things that the average person would not complain about at all. I hold myself to a higher standard for some things, I guess. In poker, for instance, it is very hard for me to satisfy myself.

August was an okay month. I was downswinging around the start of it, but a few days in I hit the run good switch and started banking. I am not sure what my final tally was, but it's impossible for me to figure it out because of all the pieces I swapped with people (took action and sold parts of action). In total, I'm down about $150k from this. I always have half myself at 200-400 and I have run pretty good, which makes me sad that I'm a BR nit and not a degen. I can think of a few players who are 'high stakes' people that always just ran astronomically hot to get there. Some people, even still, are on poker-career long heaters. I hope that these players realize what a gift they've been given. I've also lost a much more significant amount buying pieces of people in really good 1-2 and 2-4 games.

I realize that all of this is just variance, but it makes me very sad inside that I'm up like 150 or 200 this month, when I should or could be up two or three times that much.

Sigh.

All I can hope is that the games stay pretty good, as high stakes games have been going off slightly more than they usually do in the last week or two. I've also had some pretty good HU matches that I've been playing lately, only one against someone who I don't necessarily think I have an edge over, but sometimes I just like to multi table against someone so badly I'll play anyone. The others are just fantastic spots for me, and if I can run a little bit better than I'm accustomed to, I like to think I can grind nice profits or something. Also, I've been cashing out kind of a lot lately, and I'm top heavy on FTP. I think the answer is just that I should stop being so lazy and get my ID approved for a wire transfer from FTP, but I could still use a little Stars money. I'd like to move about 100k from FTP to Stars, so if you know anyone with a little extra on Stars let me know.

I've been doing some work on the Memoirs series and I think it'll be done, and the website up, within two weeks. I'm not going to be making any promises, but I just wanted to pass the general knowledge along so that if I forget to get a PM, you can reference this blog paragraph. My sidekick Chewy has been sort of busy doing some tournament circuit stuff, so with him MIA at times, we've had to push back some stuff for the audio files. I'm also have some website work done, which will be super simple but allow me to protect the files and have my students get access to them. In that same vein, I've been getting PMs and requests for coaching. At the moment everything is pretty hectic with school and stuff, so I don't have too much drive to coach. However, I'll continue doing sparing sessions with the few students that I have now and if you PM me and get lucky I might feel like taking you on if I have some time in the near future.

I just started the whole school thing back up again, with very mixed feelings. I'm just very lazy and unmotivated, but at the same time I think it'll provide me with the structure that I really need. I'd feel so worthless if I didn't go to school, and I'm renting out a room in a house on campus for the sole purpose of keeping me near campus and motivated to go to school, especially in the winter. It is also nice that I've got a place closer to my GFs place, etc. I think once I settle in I will at least somewhat enjoy these philosophy classes- it's very important that I start everything off on the right foot and do at least some of the reading for my classes on Tuesday!

On Friday we went to a comedy club. I sometimes forget how much I like seeing a really good standup comic. We saw Geoff Brown who was completely ridiculous. I def recommend going and supporting your local comedy club, there's just nothing like being there. I think only once or twice have I gotten a mediocre performance in a dozen+ trips.

I think I complain way more than I should, I've got kind of a lot of poker related work to do tomorrow, and then I'm gonna spend the night with my GF doing nothing, sleep late, do nothing tomorrow, and maybe do a little reading and try to go to all of my classes on Tuesday.

Sick life plan!

Be good.