I live in University City (a name resulting from the massive effort of gentrification that UPenn has undertaken in order to make this part of West Philly seem less ghetto). It's actually quite nice and vibrant and I really love living here. Anyway, yesterday I has just gotten off the trolley/subway coming back from my Jujitsu/MMA class when I see a cop car stop the trolley. A cop jumps out of his car and proceeds to shine a flashlight in everyone's face. Normally my first reaction is, F the 5-0 and the police state, but then I heard Helicopters overhead with spotlights. I decided somebody probably didn't something really fucking bad. After hanging out on the corner for about five minutes trying to figure shit out, it occurred to me that I was being a dumbass and I could just as easily play Sherlock Holmes inside. Well, this is the follow up:

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/local...ageId=28990227

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/local...he_Bridge.html

Basically (probably a crackhead) walked up to an unattended cash register and started looting. A Plainclothes cop who was in line for a movie revealed himself and tried to stop the theft. So the perpetrator (i.e. crackhead) shot him in the shoulder and a Drexel student (22 year old kid [I am also 22]) who was hit in the leg in the crossfire. It's unclear, but probable that the Perp was hit. The cops are still looking for him, and be sure that I'm rooting for the cops despite my hyper-radical views on the root of crime and other such intellectual philosophies. In any case, ALL of University City is on camera; I guess this guy thinks that this is the Wild West and he is going to escape into the sunset. Newsflash for him- he shot a cop and the cops are going to kill him before he makes it to trial. Very tragic, what a waste. It really upset me as this theater is about four blocks away from my house, so I thought I would share.

Day 1: Back to the basics

Basically, I now recognize that I really need to undergo a sea change if I am to be successful in any kind of long term period in the poker world. Yesterday epic/surreal run-bad led me to punching my desk and repeatedly running into my door (incidentally, my door previously would not close completely, and now it does, but the price was high). These kind of antics used to be common for me, and I thought I had permanently left them behind. So, the poker gods who seems to thrive on irony and sadism, revealed the fallacy of that claim. According to Boywonder, poker success is 80% emotional control and 20% technical knowledge. I disagree completely with the proportions, but the truth of the statement has been reinforced by the Neanderthal rage of last night and my general frustration and inability to move beyond middle stakes. I think that I have done a good job accumulating and applying technical knowledge, but I need to learn to divorce myself emotionally more effectively. To do this I have decided to:

-Make a withdrawal to limit the size of my bankroll a bit and put some money in the bank.

-Start a brand new database on HEM. I think this will help me look forward instead of backward.

- Mass multi-table a few thousand hands of nl200 to build up my roll and regain some confidence.

-Start taking yoga for meditation/relaxation techniques and an overall sense of wellbeing.

-Start studying Gracy Jujitsu/MMA. I think this will be great for my mind and body. I studied Krav Maga for about 5 months while I was abroad and I really loved it. I'm excited to get back into the fight scene and I was really impressed with the Philadelphia Balance gym and its instructors.

-Hit the studies extra hard. This will entail rewatching videos, sweats with poker friends/colleagues, making my own videos in order to review my assumptions and tendencies out of the heat of the moment, grind poker stove math, etc etc. Our game can always get better and every moment you stagnate mentally you lose ground on the player pool at large.

I am very happy to say that my first session back, I ran toasty hot (after losing the first two 60/40 and 50/50 situations which had me just a bit worried about the tilt coming back). I made a healthy 46 bb/100, and I think this is really going to allow me to approach things positively from here on out. Having been grinding exclusively midstakes for a few months, I was pretty pleased to see how weak the nl200 regs are (especially because pokerstars is infested with SNE hopefuls) and enjoyed exploiting some very very obvious and basic flaws in their games.

I denied it for a long time, but I am a tilt monkey. Not in the sort of caricatured way (get angry, start 5 bet shoving ATC and check raising flop cbets all in and stuff). Rather my frustration has kept me from playing my best poker and hindered my poker development. Since having my biggest month ever in June at +30k, I have basically broken even. I think I've run positively atrociously both in EV terms and in hidden EV terms, but that's out of my hands and nobody wants to hear about it anyway. Going forward, I am making this blog for the purpose of accountability. If nobody reads it, that's fine, I will still be accountable in some sense.

Going forward, I will be making a brand new database starting today. I will post my results every 10,000 hands with thoughts and reflections on the sample. Hopefully I'll have cool and interesting hands to talk about as well so we can all learn something. I've halved my bank roll and will be moving back to nl200 for an indeterminate amount of time. This disappoints me in the extreme, but so be it, I think it's the best for my poker future if I'm to have one.

Here is the best part! I am prop betting against my self. If I don't make $30,000 in the next six months (without rakeback) I will begrudgingly admit defeat and retire from a game that has empowered my lifestyle for the last 5 years. So if, in six months, I have not posted a results graph with more than $30,000 of winnings, then feel free to mail me a letter bomb.

Paz y Amor,
Brandon