So this month has been a little rough. Since I moved back down I've played 23k hands of 2/4 breakeven and 4k hands at 3/6 up like $3k. I mean, I guess 30k hands break even is standard but I haven't had a long break even run in quite a while and coming off such a prodigious downswing at 5/10 it's kind of a bitter pill to swallow. On the bright side, the combination of that experience, my car deal falling through, and thinking over my last blog post has led me to having a really clear head about poker, life, and my goals for the first time in a long time.

People commented on my last blog, which led me to read it over and think through what I was saying a little more. I expressed in that post that I was disappointed in myself for a lot of reasons, but the more I thought, the more disappointed I became. I have made a lot of choices that have slowed down my progress in poker, but that car thing takes the cake.

What the **** was I thinking? Right when I'm trying to move up to the big leagues (or the minors, or AAA, or whatever depending on your point of view I guess), and I need all the confidence I can get, I cash out a significant portion of my roll for a completely unecessary purchase. Makes no sense whatsoever.

And then there's my pathetic inability to put hands in. I don't do anything. I play in a band and have rehearsal twice a week. Sometimes I work out. That's it. I don't run a business, I don't go to school, I'm single, I have no ****ing excuse.

Well that's not going to be the case anymore. I have more motivation right now than I've had in a long time. In the past 5 days I've played over 20k hands, which for me is unprecedented. The money I cashed out for the car is going to sit and collect interest until I'm a winning 5/10 player, and that's that. I'll worry about buying baller **** when I actually deserve it.

Going back to grinding 2/4, I feel like the dude who's in his 7th year of college, just lingering around, clinging to what he's comfortable with because he's afraid to face the challenges of the real world. I don't want to be that guy. From here on out I'm going to do whatever it takes to not be that guy.