I'm not really proud of it but I went on an 100k downswing Its actually more than that about 30k in PLO and about 95k in NLH. Luckily for me this coincided with about a 50k staking up swing and also about +15k sports betting which has made the swing not nearly as bad.

One might ask themselves how to lose this much money. I didn't play higher than 10/20 so that's a lot of buyins to lose all in all it was about a -75 buyin downswing in NLH and a 20 buyin downswing in PLO. Now I obviously ran bad in during this span, however I also played out of control bad. Its weird how easy it is to convince yourself you are playing well when that is not the case. I have a very good understanding of poker however I would frequently play bad games, too many tables, without a HUD, or without really paying attention.

As well I would tilt constantly. The problem with this however was I never realized I was tilting/convinced myself I wasn't on tilt. When I start losing in poker I don't yell and scream so I assume I'm not tilting. However that obviously is not the case, I would tilt a ton inside and would make bad plays to try and get unstuck and would not be thinking clearly. This problem would snowball as I would tell myself I'm not tilting, I don't need a stop loss, and my play would get worse and worse. Especially playing HU NL in aggro matches it is very easy to convince yourself that spewy awful plays aren't that bad.

Despite my results being terrible I kept playing high because I became rolled as I made money staking and figured I'm good at poker so all I need to do is put in hours and I will make money. Poker is not like other jobs where you just show up and get your hourly rate, the amount of effort you put in is directly correlated with how much money you make and I was putting no effort and as a result losing a ton of money. My confidence became shattered to a point where I would virtually never bluff because I figured "what's the point I'm running so bad he's definitely calling:" Despite this I would still vbet thinly and always bemoan my luck when they folded to my 3barells for value or tank called with a better hand when i had worse. I figured everyone sucked and I was just running bad but I was never bluffing so losing money in non showdown pots and it was very easy to play vs me because if I bet a lot you could just fold. This caused my downswing to spiral even more obviously. Despite these problems I still managed to delude myself into thinking I was running bad and playing fine when that obviously was not the case.

My sessions were terrible because I would sit at HU tables on a few different sites and just play basically whoever sat with me. I didn't want to be a bumhunter and I wanted to prove how awesome I was by having 0 regard for game selection which is ridiculously dumb. Also If I opened up tables on UB/FTP/Ipoker at 5/10 and 10/20 pretty quickly I would be playing 5-6 tough HU games at the same time, a recipe to lose money. I basically just kept autopiloting and every time anyone did something that seemed bad to me I would think OMG LOL so bad and would refuse to quit them. It was insanely stupid and is a large reason I lost money.

To summarize I had literally 0 game selection, I would play too many tables and I wouldn't even use a HUD so I had no reads on who I was playing. I didn't know who was likely to 4bet light who bluffed a lot who never bluffed so I was basically just guessing on every decision where I didn't have a very strong hand. In hindsight its very easy to see why I lost so much money but I managed to delude myself for a long time as I kept losing. As well my confidence got so shattered that I would basically never bluff(even though given my new image it would be awesome to bluff lots) and I would go through 2 modes either everyone is bluffing me or nobody is bluffing. At first I would just call down with all kinds of junky stuff never willing to fold a hand. Or secondly I would figure OMG I'm running bad they always have the nuts and only get it in with really strong hands. When obviously what I should have been doing is analyzing the hand and in certain spots folding good hands and in other spots getting it in light or making thin calls based on reads. But since I had no reads I was just playing guessing games and TBH could never really judge hands. I would think through hands or ask people and the most common answer I would get is reads? Since I didn't have any I was guessing and kept making plays that varied from awful to mediocre to amazing, but I never knew which one it was.

Also it completely changed my mindset about poker.I forgot how I used to think about poker, and during the downswing I wouldn't think through hands, I would just stare at the board think to myself (what is the standard play here) or sometimes not even think at all but just give the illusion to myself I was thinking and than randomly click a button. Instead of playing how I did when I made money which was analyzing hands consider my perceived range and my opponents range and than make a decision based on that.

The above explains how I lost so much money in such a quick period of time. Now I could sit here and moan about it and beat myself up but that isn't productive. Instead I have decided the best course of action is to decide what I can do to make sure this never happens again. First of all I think posting about it is very productive, because other people went through similar things and can give me good advice. Also by putting it out in the public I have no need to be embarrassed or hide anything. I can admit I made numerous mistakes in poker in the last 6 months acknowledge it cost me a lot of money and just move on from there and determine what I should do.

This reminds me of when Gabe(G-P) lost 100k playing drunk because I basically did the same thing. I wasn't drunk but I was certainly playing like I was drunk, maybe even worse. Considering 90% of my sessions for 6 months I played numerous tough games either auto piloting or tilting I can't imagine that being any better than playing drunk.

So now that this is out what's my plan for the new year.

I'm going to grind 2/4. Never play more than 6 6max tables, nevermore than 2 tables HU. Get a bunch of datamined hands/pay attention so I can have good reads on people I am playing against. Every hand consider all options, ask myself why I am making a certain play? Does it makes sense? Don't play sessions with aim on or browse 2p2 while playing. Table select. Have a stop loss of 5 buyins. If I notice my attention drifting take a break. If I feel like I am tilting at all quit. Normally I stick around for about an extra 20 minutes when I know I shouldn't be playing which is bad. As soon as I start to tilt quit.

On the bright side I'm not busto I have more than enough money for my current situation. I have a lot of good friends/family. I'm starting a new program at University that I am excited for and all in all my life is excellent so no complaints.
If anyone has questions/comments please feel free to ask them.