Tilted.

Deja vu w/ online poker.

Start strong. Turned $100 into an account high of $1173 w/in ~15k hands.

Currently at hand 19.5k, so w/in 4.5k hands I dropped 11ish bi's at 25NL to bring my account to $890.

Being honest w/ myself, I'd say 5-6 of the bi's were legit coolers and the rest spew/bad play. Fortunately when I tilt I don't do anything super spazzy. It's more a compounding of errors as I try to force the grind so to speak. A bunch of pots where I throw away 20-35bb's c/r bluffing, light 3b/f'ing, calling 3b's ip way too light/speculatively, etc.

On a side note I've noticed that I almost never lose money barreling multiple streets though. I've noticed this before. Evolution of the game imo. Everyone knows what c-betting and floating are even of they aren't familiar with the terms. It's like the turn has become the new flop. It's almost standard for every reg to peel the flop/reevaluate turn, call turn w/ any reasonable amount of equity, fold river b/c no one 3 barrel bluffs/one pair is never good. I do this a lot successfully. It's strange. They never look me up when I have the betting lead and fire 3 streets w/ pure air, but they always seem to have it or just know when to rebluff when I'm making a move. It's not regs w/ history or knowledge of my game exploiting any obv leaks as far as I can tell/see as I rarely see the dame opponent twice in the HH's I've reviewed.

Back to tilt.

So I drop another 4bi's tonight, got close to getting even just to have it snatched away w/ stantard coolers. It sucks. My image finally pays off, they get curious/suspicous, call...call... and the river counterfeits my 2p, obv draws come in, etc. Speaking of draws, I remember no more than two yrs ago playing draws aggressively was super stantard, now everyone just c/c's their draws and NEVER bluff when they miss. Probably why I get away w/ multi barreling so much. But fuckshit people, any half ass non retard isn't going to pay you off when you hit, which you need them to do to make your retard c/c 2 streets line profitable (that or bluff occassionally/balance that line w/ sets/op's). Thing is, they get positive reinforcement of these lines b/c fucktards at 25NL pay off that river vbet. I don't, these mooks simply aren't bluffing rivers or v-betting thinly enough to warrant light call downs.

Donkadocus called them/these spots "forum folds/IRL calls" (never heard that term before/like it), thing is, I really do fold!!! And it's driving me nuts. I can handle folding these spots, what tilts me is an hour later I still haven't found/gotten the spot to recoup. Then I get frustrated that I'm not getting my share of hands/spots, they play their bad LAG/tard TAG styles, get w/in a card of getting value owned w/out ever realizing it... prolly thinking they play good. Pffff, mouth breathers. Then they go back to their yard TAG style (where opportunities are tougher/rarer b/c of their nittiness) or reciprocal spots (I don't what constitutes statistically "fair"/even) never present themselves and as I said after a bit I get frustrated and start to force things. I realize it's retarded to assume/expect reciprocity or "fairness" in poker, but damn I'm just talking about the odds/chances evening out a bit. I realize it's a marathon not a sprint, but it's like mf'ets jacking you for your shoes over and over again before the race has even begun and you watch them run off onto the sunset as you're stuck at the starting line waiting for new shoes.

So I decided to fuck up my situation more and this where the deja vu of my online poker forays creeps into my consciousness... played a $365 turbo sng to recoup some money, busted, account is $530ish now. More tilted/pissed. I resisted the urge to flip for it in some other stupid endeavor. That's good I suppose.

Blogging about it has kinda been strangely theraputic (sp?), working it out outloud (sts) is much better than internalizing the anger w/ a clouded perception leading to irrational responses/solutions to my poker problems... or what may in fact not be a problem moreso than it is just variance that led to some spew and my failure to recognize as much and address the real issue. I guess the answer is/woulda been to just grind. Keep looking for all the ev I can and let the cards fall as they may.

When I put it like that it ain't so bad, makes me wish I woulda saved that $365.

I'll learn from this, the grind back to even/original peak will be my punishment/test/goal. And it'll be rewarding to do it knowing how lousy I feel now.

Goal for the month: 20bi's/$500... a bi/day w/ some extra days to account for the unexpected.

Later



Fuck shit cock stink.

Ok I'm done.