I kind of feel like writing just to get a lot of my thoughts out. I kind of struggle with this idea of "is that all there is to it?" I'm bored with waking up and some combination of playing poker, errands, exercising, and eating. I just feel like I keep telling myself that I'm going to be a better person but at this point I don't know what I'm waiting for. I justify my behavior because everyone is like you play a game and make so much money, but its just not enough for me. I think doing pretty well financially at a younger age has put into perspective what I do/dont want to do with my life. I get overwhelmed with wanting to do more and it ends up just paralyzing me.
Over the last few weeks I've had a lot on my mind. With personal relationships I kind of operate on my own timeline, and I take for granted that other people don't. Its frustrating that I have no one to blame and there's nothing I can do at this point. I'm starting to realize that in all areas of my life when I feel overwhelmed/serious I withdraw in a lot of ways and I don't want to anymore. It sucks to have to deal with repercussions but it gives clarity on what I should be doing.
Since I made a whole blog post on how I basically want to become a better person, if anyone has any experience starting/operating a non-profit let me know. Please PM me or leave a comment on the blog, thanks. I end up with all these big ideas in my head but when it comes to accomplishing I burn out over and over. I want to start doing concrete things that I can be proud of rather than continually wait for tomorrow.
Whenever I'm going through a lot I listen to music or I'd go even more crazy than I am. Here's a couple of my favorite songs.
Whats going on guys. I havent updated the blog too much lately because I'm pretty lazy and dont have anything too interesting to say right now. The weather has been pretty terrible so maybe I will avoid it next winter and go somewhere warm for a couple months. I did have my best month ever so I'm gonna post a little brag graph. Most of the credit goes to the regina spektors begin to hope cd which has been my shit this month.
Havent made an update in awhile so just going to post a quick one. A bunch of friends from school are visiting for the weekend and going to the maryland vs illinois game today and whatever else people do on the weekends. Poker has been going pretty well, I'm gonna be recording the audio at the start of next week for a video I already have. I kind of want to do something cool like try and open a bar or something but I end up talking about it and not doing much so that's where it will probably stay.
I really just wanted to post a couple songs that are really good. Hope you like them as much as I do.
I moved back into the city like 3 weeks ago and have been busy with the apartment. Its coming together and should probably be pretty much set up by halloween. We bought a snow cone machine which is basically the best purchase I've ever made. Having unlimited snow cones is fucking awesome.
I went to see Phoenix at MSG on wed. night. I thought the set was alright overall, but the encore was really cool.
I've been playing a little more poker and have been doing pretty well lately. I'm tempted to post 2k hand sample graphs like 2shae so people think I'm cool but I'll hold off. I plan on making a couple of videos over the next week so I want input on what people are looking for. Now I'm playing on a desktop with camtasia so I can record a lot more footage so I can probably tailor a video towards a player type that people are interested in. Let me know if theres anything you want to see. Also semi-poker related for anyone who doesnt watch, rootbone radio on pokerstatic.com is really entertaining so if youre bored watch that.
Music you should listen to-
jennifer aniston if youre reading this what up girl.
This is a semi recap of the last year, but more of just a ramble. To read a really good of a recap of the year read the recent entry of lostinthesaus, which is really good.
At the start of Oct. 2009 I moved into an apartment in nyc with two of my friends. Over the previous summer I had lived in a shore house in jersey with 6 of my friends over the summer (the situation is from my town so its funny to see jersey shore become a national phenomenon.) Our house was like 2 blocks from Bar A for those familiar with the shore so it was a lot of fun being able to live/go out with good friends, basically college without classes for me. I then took the LSATs the last weekend in September. My plan was to play poker for the year and apply to law school for the fall of 2010. A lot of my motivation for wanting to go to law school was the disconnect poker had created from what people are actually paid out of school. Even though I didnt see myself playing poker for a considerable length of my future I also couldnt see myself working a finance job I wasnt interested in starting at 50/60k. I figured play poker, do well on LSATs, do well in law school and I would be able to get a better job, not have to start working a job I had no interest in yet, etc.
I always thought of October as the start of the year for me. I knew I would have the year to play poker without living in a frat house atmosphere, be taking classes, or anything that should be too distracting. Over the winter I played a lot, in November I played 180 hours which for hu with waiting time included is just an unhealthy amount. It was cold, I had been going out a lot in the summer, and had this desire to make a lot of money that led me to a kind of singular focus. Looking back on it, it was a mistake as I neglected balance in my life and justified my behavior based on how much I was making. I realized that going to law school and spending 3 years and 150k so that I could be qualified in something I probably didn't want to do in the first place was probably not the best idea. Maybe law school is still in the future as I think it is interesting in theory but right now the reasons I had kind of evaporated. I've given myself some flexibility so I hope I can start more actively looking for opportunities over the next year as one of my main goals.
I needed a break from the city and a change of scenery so I was living home for a little bit. It was nice to have a backyard when its 95 out everyday. Im going to be moving back into the city within the week. We are living in the same apartment but one of my roommates is moving out so we initially did not resign and were going to look for a 2 bedroom. Once we realized we had a third we wanted to resign, just getting in touch with someone to get this accomplished was a 2 week process with voicemails never returned and overall incredibly frustrating. We wanted to lower the rent $200/month so that it would fall into our budgets and when I got in touch with the landlord the first thing he said was "well tell your friend to find somewhere else to live." This is a guy we had to badger multiple people for a call back to pay 5k+ a month to lease an apartment that no one else had applied for an would be vacant in a week. I had to decide if it was worth it to look for a new place out of spite. Within a 2 minute conversation he had nearly motivated me to find a new place to live simply because fuck him, so that was impressive of him.
We decided to stay in the apartment but want to redo it. I wont bore you on how we are rearranging the couches but want to talk about what cool thing we are doing. We are gonna put in an arcade game. By the off chance anyone has any experience with this in the new york area that would be appreciated. As of now we are leaning towards police trainer and if we have the room nfl blitz or nba jam. I'm sure one of my two roommates will try and get a girl back under the guise of an arcade game on a weekly basis. I also want to get a nice reclining type chair so anyone who has recommendations for that would be awesome.
I am again offering charity coaching as will be standard hopefully with my blog entries. Bidding starts at $50 and goes up in increments of $5. There's been some confusion so to make it clear each time I offer coaching it should be bid on this blog's comments of pms and not the initial blog I talked about it.
Here's some music that I think is cool, hope you do too.
For those of you who don't know, I'm pretty intolerable at the tables, if I played me I would hate me. I'm too competitive and I have a really big mouth. In college intramural soccer I've had one of my friends threaten to break my nose and another try to leave at halftime, and thats just off the top of my head. I wish I was better at it, and I've gotten slightly better but if we are picking sides you want to be on the other team or more likely a different game most of the time. I think that quality helps with hu for a couple of reasons. I'm pretty introspective and really hard on myself so while playing I'm always thinking of what I can do better. Also, I hate that someone else would have the satisfaction of beating me out of money so that drives me to improve.
A couple of weeks ago, I played a guy "tcfromub" on stars. He won a couple of buyins, I was talking shit the whole time and letting him know when I thought he played a hand terribly. He's my biggest fan so he kept trying to justify his plays, and after I repeatedly told him I didn't wanna discuss hands he pm'ed me with a couple of paragraphs further explaining his thought process. After further shit talking we agreed to play 10k hands, its nice to be able to interact with people who care about me as much as he does. We start on thursday so I'm excited to destroy him, because dealing with him wont be worth it unless I win about 100 buyins.
On another note of doing something good for the community other than playing my biggest fan, I want to do charity coaching. I'm not going to get all emo but I'd feel better if I did more and just giving an hour a week in coaching and donating that money is a start and I've thought about it so at this point I'd feel like a piece of shit not being able to at least do that little. I will figure out someone reputable to escrow the money to, but I want to post it so that I do actually get around to doing it. For the first week, I will do it auction style. If no one reads this blog and I'm screaming into the abyss then from now on I will set a fixed price but I think it might be cool to do it auction style for a good cause. Either post in the comments, or private message me if you are interested.
Whats going on guys. I'm watching usa/brazil basketball and unsuccessfully trying to rail jungleman/durrrr on my small laptop, so i figured it would be a good time for a blog.
Up until last year I have avoided fantasy football leagues because I know I'm too lazy to stay on top of it on a weekly basis. One of the leagues my friends did had the waiver system as a first come/first serve basis that opened up at 3am on like wed. morning, with a bunch of my friends setting their alarms to have first choice of free agents. I wouldn't shower for jessica alba on most days so stuff like that precluded me from playing. Last year I convinced myself that I could stay on top of it and joined both a 2k league and a 1k league along with one a bunch of my good friends growing up. I also bet someone in the 2k league that I would have a better team than them for 3k. Of course I didnt do shit and lost every league/bet. It reminded me of my mtt's, sometimes I think it'll be a good idea and 15 mins in I hate life and cant wait to lose. I didnt really enjoy it and felt stupid of wasting 5k or whatever. I've learned my lesson and I am only in the one with my friends, which even if I come in last (like I did last year) is worth it for the ability to talk shit.
The draft was yesterday and I had the 11th pick in a snake draft and took Cedric Benson and got Aaron Rodgers on the way back. With the 3rd/4th round pick I picked up Desean Jackson and Arian Foster (pick of the year). I filled out my team with Ochocinco at the other wideout, Shiancoe at TE, jets d, and mason crosby at kicker. We don't play with a flex, even though I like having it.
On another topic, I'm pretty interested in current events/politics. Within the last few weeks I learned about google reader, its awesome and makes it way more efficient to go through the news/what I want to read. I like reading ezra klein, 538, the atlantic, new york times, and huffington post among a few other things. If you guys have any suggestions of stuff that kind of fits with that would be really appreciated. I will probably spare the few of you who read this blog with political type of posts because its not like anyone really listens to it anyways.
I know I haven't posted much poker things but nothing that interesting has been happening, no huge heater to brag about or a downswing to bitch about. Next blog might be focused on poker as I have an idea I kind of want to do so maybe I will write about that next.
Gonna go watch 4th quarter of usa/brazil, durant is incredible.
First off, I wanted to say thank you to everyone on leggo who has welcomed me. Matt (Probability) and Vitas have been especially helpful in the process. I also appreciate the generally overall positive feedback I've received from my first video. I really think the second video is significantly better so I am excited to see how people respond to it.
I'm 24 and I have a dick so a lot of my memories as a kid have to do with michael jordan. I was obsessed with him and every couple of months go on youtube binges of old clips and commercials of him. Two of my favorites are here (I couldnt find the commercial of the younger kids imitating him which gave me the chills the first time I saw it) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jGX_HXlTV-Q http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlaL9OhZQoc
Anyways, I tivoed the 30 for 30 on him and went to sleep last night. Today when I woke up to watch it the first 10-15 mins is a fucking WNBA game. Instead of "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?" it should be "If 7 people in the entire country watch a WNBA game then why cant it finish in the 2 hour time slot its given and not ruin my ability to tivo what I want?" Hopefully its on again soon otherwise I'm boycotting all ny liberty games in the future to show my frustration.
Onto poker. When I moved into my apartment in the city Oct, 2009(what up cohen), I had a number in my head that I would be happy with if I made over that 12 month period. I've passed that number and I should be happy but I really struggle with removing myself from the very short-term. I feel like I could be up a million this year (I'm not) and still I would get stressed over getting sucked out in a pot at 3/6. I think it's something that has held me back in terms of progressing, not that I think its unique to me. Its so foreign to me that there are people like jungleman who have done things like lose half their roll playing someone like isildur and be able to stay at it. I'm not saying it is what separates me from someone like jungleman, because I really do have so much respect for how good the successful players at that level are, just that even if I was exactly as good as him I dont think I would be able to have the balls/heart guys like him/durrrr do. I'm sure this is something a lot of other people struggle with and any feedback on how people got through this would be appreciated. Maybe its as simple as just growing a set and realizing that losing a lot of money to someone better than you isnt the end of the world, I don't know really.
I try and listen to a lot of music as I'm by the computer a lot. The last week or so I haven't been able to listen to anything other than arcade fire's new album. I've never really listened to them in the past, so once I get sick of the suburbs I'm excited to go back and listen to their other albums. Its just whenever I go to put on music lately its the only thing I want to hear. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0L6ZFhZVOx0 is an incredible song that I can relate to at my age/where I'm at in my life. So thats my PSA to everyone that your life would be better if you listen to the album. Recommendations of other stuff I might like is always cool.
So like the title suggests this is my first entry. I've never really posted on a blog so hopefully I'll be able to update fairly regularly. I play on stars as 'iplaypokeher', mainly 2/4-5/10 hu nl.
In the future this space will probably be a place for my unfiltered rambling thoughts and posting some hands that I win with eight high or play especially bad (more likely geared towards the latter). I guess I will end this short intro here and make sure I can figure out how to post this. I promise my updates will at least be less boring than this one.
