Don't try to stop the waves of events and emotions; surf them. Allow upheaval and unhappiness, and you reduce their power.—Martha Beck

I play Internet poker. I am married and my bills are paid. I am a veteran, a senior citizen, a tax-payer, an informed voter, a law school drop-out with an honors degree in political philosophy. For all that and more, the current political environment constantly threatens to make me sick to my stomach and despair for my grandchildrens' future.

I do not cheat, lie nor steal. I am not an addict. My playing poker on the Internet will not lead to increased crime. Unless it's another bad beat.

I do not much enjoy live poker. I have personal hygiene standards which are not always reached by my opponents. I am most comfortable with my dogs at my feet and smooth jazz playing in the background. I do not like to buy $4.00 gas to drive an hour on crowded highways and pay the valet to park my car and find the games I want to play are not running. I like to play four games simultaneously.

The UIGEA is bogus on several levels. OMGJonKyl. (By the way, that's not bank fraud, that's civil disobedience. Free the E-Poker Eleven!!!)

The anti-gambling lobby is hypocritical and almost completely clueless. This beauty from the Christian Science Monitor continues to puzzle me... "[Regulation would] open the door to redistributing wealth from mainly poor Americans to mainly foreign gambling interests."

There are dog tracks, bingo, jai alai, river boats, casinos, office pools, yada yada. In Florida a thousand "sweepstakes cafes" have opened in the last four years. Locally, some wife in her 40's was just indicted for bilking her family out of their life savings. She was playing the slots - legal - at the Hard Rock Casino - legal - and won $13,000,000. Also legal. Turns out she was comped rooms and trips and meals and...- also legal - as she was losing $14 million - legal. But the money wasn't hers. Now that's a problem.

Parenthetically, I must note the governor attempted to sabotage a pill mill registry because it was 'an invasion of our privacy.' Meanwhile, 7 people die every day in just this one state from prescription drug abuse.

The government - in virtually every state - has its own keno game, aka, the lottery. Your odds of winning Power Ball are mathematically similar whether you have a ticket or not. I heard a story that your odds of winning the national lottery are about the same as getting attacked by a brown bear and a polar bear on the same day. Another example is getting struck by lightning three times. If the first homo sapiens to stand on two feet had purchased a lottery ticket twice a week since the beginning of human time, it is more than probable he still might not have won.

But, put your womens in a safe place, because Internet Poker is a dire problem from which adult Americans must be protected.

Everywhere I turn it seems there are too few intelligent adults acting in good faith. Sigh. Deep breath.

But what I have to believe - and feel compelled to teach - has been offered by the likes of Daniel 'Kid Poker' Negreanu with "Adapt, survive and thrive" & Friedrich 'ImNotCrazee' Nietzsche who offered"What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." Make lemonade.

I can't speak for sponsored pros. Seems like the number of red pros might decline. What happens to online tournaments when the guarantees shrink? Or to a man I respect, who has a wife and three kids and a mortgage? Doubtlessly, the number of responsible adults with adult responsibilities is legion and my heart goes out to them. But for the well-heeled, the young and unencumbered, I wonder. There is a part of me which suspects, somewhere not too far down the road, something good this way comes.

This crisis doubtlessly offers a tremendous opportunity for positive change. Remember, you are gamblers, risk takers. Go back to college. Move to Vancouver. Write a book. Read a book. Get in shape. Move to Amsterdam. Play live. Join Match.com.

Myself, I got a puppy.

Key point. It's not the end of the world, it just feels that way.

In times of crisis, we must learn to surf the tsunami.

* * *

Check out PokerHeadRush.com

Change The Route. -

Every morning, I walk the dog. We sniff every bush, every mailbox, every pole and we pee on almost all of them. Actually, the dog does. We greet every creature we come upon. And as is natural, he also takes a dump, usually two. He's huge and he's regular. Being a responsible dog owner, I pick up after him. It's the right thing to do.
One morning, this big, ugly, fat, loud, possibly crazy woman comes out of the house, yelling at us. She was possibly drunk; I know I'd start downing the sauce upon waking, if I was her.
Despite the fact I am holding two plastic bags of dog shit, she accused me of never picking up after my dog. She claimed to speak for all her neighbors, we weren't welcome on her street.
Well, I checked with her neighbors. Turns out they like my dog better than they like her. No surprise there.
Because I know people who know people, I asked a judge about a restraining order. I'll show that bitch, I'm thinking.
"Jack, Jack, Jack," he sighs, as if he has more important legal matters to attend to, like a capital murder case or fixing his golf buddies' parking tickets.
"Change your route."

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Victor Frankl

Think Carefully Before You Change Something That's Working.

We have four aquariums. Well, my wife does. A couple of these nautical environments are devoted to gold fish. We didn't give much thought to the fact they poop in the water. Then there's the algae. Suffice to say, the water gets, ummm, cloudy.
Finally, the woman can't take it any more. We spend - again - far too much money on new equipment and trappings. She sequesters the fish to a holding tank, spends the afternoon carefully reconstructing their home and it looks great. Sparkling even.
The next morning. All the fish are dead. All but one, that is. The biggest fish - Bob - isn't feeling so good, but at least he's not floating on the surface. Like Carol and Alice and Adolf. Yes, they have names. And, in case you're wondering, Adolf had a little black spot on his upper lip.
You can do everything correctly and end up worse off than you were before.

All change is not growth, as all movement is not forward. ~Ellen Glasgow

Watch For Changes.

The more things remain the same, the more they are likely to change sometime soon. And you want to be ready, you want to be able to deal with the results of those changes. Ideally, you want to be able to anticipate change in order to guide the results in a positive direction.
The current revolution in Egypt comes to mind. Mubarak is an autocrat in power for 30 years. He's 80-some years old, there are food shortages, a wave of independence is sweeping the Middle East. Do the math.
Just because you don't want something to change doesn't mean it won't. Change happens.

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. ~Bertold Brecht

Change for The Future.

The Green Bay Packers are the new Super Bowl champions. And Aaron Rodgers was the game's MVP. This victory - and Rodger's accomplishments - would never have been possible if the team's management had not decided to jettison Brett Favre.
Quite often, the changes you make today to prepare for the future are far easier than the result if you defer change until it is inevitable and mandatory. Then change is often too late. If you have to time your change, like timing the stock market, you will be better off changing too early rather than too late.
Too late and, in truth, the changes will be made for you.

Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights. ~Pauline R. Kezer

Keep Changing.

If you are not improving, you are getting worse. When you stop trying, you are dieing. If your first change doesn't work, change it.
The aquariums are now crystal clear. No more goldfish. Water is now heated and Lennie & Squiggy and Crimson & Clover are doing just fine. The wife is happy.

Things alter for the worse spontaneously, if they be not altered for the better designedly. ~Francis Bacon

Embrace Change.

Change happens: don't deny it. If you are fortunate, every day you are older. That's a change. Then one day you are not. Another change.
One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over after you know it won't work. One definition of stupidity might be doing the same thing over and over thinking it will always work.
If it ain't broke, you don't have to fix it...now. But keep your tools handy

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

Change Is Not Always Progess.

Sometimes the results might not be what you expected or hoped for. Beware the ripple effects. What changes does change make?

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming

The PPA reminded me a period of 15 months without legalized online poker may be more beneficial than continued industry decline: “We believe that the trade off for getting regulated, permanent U.S. online poker market is worth a temporary blackout of some sort. It’s not what we want, either, and it’s not what we pushed for in Congress, and we don’t even like it. But when viewing this from the perspective of maintaining a sustainable internet poker market, the 15-month period is short-term pain for a long-term gain.” U.S. regulation will reduce - hopefully - the continual chipping away at our freedoms by local authorities.



As a poker player, I first looked at the blackout period as an egregious assault on the game.

I wondered about the young family men who completely support a wife and children with their online income.

Or the single moms who might supplement their incomes with online poker.

Or the kids who dropped out of college to pursue a poker career and must now find a job.

Or the old guy on Social Security who prefers the virtual green felt to driving to a distant casino and playing slowly with a bunch of stinky drunken loud rude buttwipes. Wait, that's me.

No, not the buttwipe part... the old guy part.



As a life coach, on second thought, I wonder how online players might use this blackout period to our advantage.

I could finish all those poker strategy books I half read.

I could learn to enjoy live play.

I could get in better shape.

I could write my novel.

I could spend more time with my family.

The list goes on.

If each online poker player carefully analyzed his life as currently played, we all can find alternative uses of our time. Positive uses. Ameliorative changes.



And I would so like to see the next Russ-Hamilton-cheating son-of-a-bitch lose his house, his car, his clothes and the ensuing five years of his freedom.

Legalized internet poker, regulated by the government, might just grow the game into a respected profession.

Like Wall Street. Or prescription drugs.

You could even make 15 months the minimum jail term for cheating. - JDW

There's a newsletter I see regularly called Life Optimizer.

"A blog about how to live life to the fullest. It covers multiple aspects of personal growth such as learning, attitude, productivity, and relationships."
Worth checking out.

A recent missive discussed the professional mania in Korea of the video game Starcraft. This was the breeding ground for poker star Bertrand "ELKY" Grospelier, as you may recall.



I, of course, have less than no idea how Starcraft is played. But I’m glad to find that many of the tips are also applicable to other fields. No matter what field you are in, you can apply them to improve yourself. They can help you become better at what you do. Whatever you do.


Here's the post....



"I’d like to share what I’ve learned with you. For each point, I’ll give you relevant quotes from Starcraft resources (I list the resources at the end of the post).

Here are 15 self-improvement tips from Starcraft progaming:

1. Pay the price

Pros train 8 to 10 hours a day

There is no shortcut to success. If you want to be successful, you have to pay the price, be it with your time, money, or energy.

2. Study the best to internalize patterns

Studying the progames is a shortcut to figuring out the optimal actions in all situations.

Studying the best people in your field is essential. Why? Because it teaches you the right way to do things. But there’s more:

…merely watching very large quantities of pro games will help in establishing subconscious patterns.

Consistently studying the best people in your field helps you internalize patterns. Later on, when you face a certain situation, these ingrained patterns will enable you to make the right decision.

3. Do an active study

When deeply analyzing games it is crucial that you be actively pausing and thinking, asking questions such as: “What would I do here? Why does he make this move or idea instead?”… Actively compare your thought processes and decisions with what the pro actually makes.

Rather than just studying the best passively, be active and get involved in the thinking process. At every decision point, compare what you would do with what they do. It helps you understand how the best people think.

4. Experiment is your friend

This basic play is the result of countless hours of progamers playing each other and finding the most robust and powerful builds and styles.

How do you find the best strategies? By doing a lot of experiment. Experiment helps you refine your ideas and find the ideas that work.

5. Review your past performances

One important way to develop game sense is studying your own replays exhaustively… The primary benefit of doing so is to merge the details of your in-game perceptions where you are hindered by limited information with the accurate assessment of the replay. If you continuously compare your predictions with the real data, your predictions will definitely become better and better.

This is a good way to improve your decision-making ability. By doing this kind of review, you will be able to see gaps in your past thinking process. You can then adjust your assumptions to make better decisions next time.

6. Know what to do in every situation

Being fast is not about being able to move your hands. It is about knowing what to do in every given situation…

Some people think that being fast means moving faster than other people. But a much more important factor is knowing the right thing to do in every situation. Nothing wastes your time more than making the wrong decisions and doing the wrong tasks.

7. Find more efficient ways to do regular tasks

Given that you know what to do (see previous point), it does help to do your tasks faster. It’s especially helpful to find more efficient ways to do regular tasks since you will do them again and again.

In Starcraft, you need to use different buildings for different purposes throughout the game. Beginner players use their mouse to control the buildings. But good players use keyboard shortcuts that enable them to do things in a much faster way.

8. Take advantage of the situation

Do the map starting locations favor certain builds? Some have more open chokes, forcing them to do different openings. Thus you have better openings to take advantage of it.

Look at the situation you’re in. Does it have certain characteristics that make it suitable for certain actions? Is there an opportunity you can take advantage of?

9. Move out of your comfort zone

Another bit of advice. Never be afraid to lose. Try and go out of your comfort zone whenever you can. Losing if utilized correctly is a lesson to be learned.

…in order to keep improving your multitasking, you must keep playing players that are better than you, that push you, who make you struggle to even stay alive.

I like the way they put it. The point is, you must expand your personal capacity. If you keep doing things you’re already comfortable with, you’re not improving yourself.

10. Have a clear goal

To what purpose are you trying to improve at Starcraft? The only reasonable approach is to figure out your goal first, then make your means fit that goal…

Don’t waste your time by doing things aimlessly. Having a clear goal helps you make the right decisions. It helps you avoid spending time on unnecessary things .

11. Learn from those before you

If you want to be good at Starcraft you must study from those who have come before you. There’s no sense in trying to learn an accelerated 11 years worth of strategy on your own.

If you can learn from those before you, why should you learn things the hard way? Whatever you do, find as much information as possible from those who have done it. It will save you a lot of time.

12. Know why you do something

Thus there will come a point when you have a gap in your knowledge: you understand what is right, but not why it is right, and thus do not have the know how without a direct example of how to defeat inferior ideas…

Knowing what to do isn’t enough; you must also know why. Knowing why helps you adapt to unexpected situations because you understand the thinking process.

13. Dig forgotten wisdom of the past

Yet the best place to find unnoticed ideas and strategy is by studying older champions. There’s a lot of unknown territory out there to explore and realistically, almost nobody is going to look back in time to find ideas since they naturally assume everything has been learned and improved upon.

Many people look for good ideas in the present, but perhaps the best way to find good ideas is by digging the wisdom of the past.

14. Recognize good ideas when they show up

Did I have the ability to create that strategy? Absolutely not. But I recognized the value of the opening...

You might be surprised to learn I subscribe to Men's Journal. Maybe it was the sub-head which got me attention: Live The Interesting Life. I'm entirely up for that. Always have been.

Anyway, there's an article - as told to Sean Cunningham - in this month's issue entitled The Art of the Corner: Inside The Mind Of Darrelle Revis. The one page of copy is preceded five pages of a fashion layout wherein the NFL star models much the same outfits I wore fifty years ago. Tweed, vests, argyle, bow ties... very preppy.

Revis is considered the top shutdown defender in the NFL with all the physical tools for greatness but "the secret to his success has more to do with a fanatical devotion to understanding and outwitting his opponents." I am thinking I can be as fanatical as the next guy. Unless, of course, he is an actual fanatic. Then I am not so sure.

Revis breaks down his craft into 10 elements.

Study hard. Watch film for hours. Study your opponents' body language. Look for tells.

Quicken your step. Flexibility is important. Stay loose. Get strong.

Gladhand the refs. Treat the dealer with respect. Be polite to all casino staff.

Trust your intuition. Weigh your options as a student of the game. Study your opponents and be confident with your reads.

Make a push. Disrupt the other players' timing as much as possible. Try to get the other guy out of his comfort zone.

Watch their eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul, someone once said. Which explains the propensity for sunglasses at the felt.

Play dirty. We don't mean you should cheat. We do mean bluff, donk bet, change the size of your bets, whatever...be sneaky.

Ignore Peyton Manning. Some of your opponents won't have a reliable tell. Study them, but do not allow yourself to become confused. You have to know what you want to do.

...and Chad Ochocinco. Forget trash talkers. They are just trying to get you off your game. And you really, truly don't care what they have to say.

Forget mistakes. Revis explains, "A favorite motto for DBs is 'Have a short memory.' If you get beat, don't dwell. Don't be yourself up. It'll get you out of your game. Move on."


Revis, who held out all of training camp, injured himself during the first game of the regular season. And he's been ineffective ever since.
So, permit me to suggest some final words of advice: show up on time in shape to play your best.

Most people give up right when they're on the edge of success. - Dale Carnegie

I remain resolute in my belief - my firm conviction - the key to poker success lies not in your strategy, but in who you are as a person.
Yes, I am well aware many wonderful people are losers at the table and more than a few, ummm, buttheads are winners. That's life. That's the game.
And we really can only hope to change ourselves.

David Coreen recently wrote an article entitled "10 traits point to success." He also suggested you could add admirable traits of your own, such as sincerity and dedication and caring for others. "Note your strong points and which traits could use improvement," Coreen writes. And post the list as a constant reminder.

Optimism. The constant expectation of positive outcomes in spite of looming difficulties.

Enthusiasm. A high level of personal motivation.

Belief. Faith in yourself that you will be able accomplish your goals.

Integrity. A personal commitment to honesty to yourself and everybody else.

Courage. Taking risks when you are unsure of the result.

Confidence. Knowing you can get the job done.

Determination. Tireless pursuit of your goal.

Patience. The practiced ability to wait for the precise time and correct opportunity.

Calmness. Creating an internal balance which offers time for reflection.

Focus. Devoted attention to that which is most important.

"Determine how to address your strengths and weaknesses. Evaluate and improve your attitude and character to ensure your success."

Looking at Coreen's list, I am personally thinking I must work mostly on focus. And - as always - courage.

Victory, after all, is who you are away from the game. - JDW

I canceled my trip to Vegas and the WSOP this year when I was offered a position - indoors, air-conditioned - with the U.S. Census. I was confident this opportunity would not come about again for, I'm just guessing here, at least ten years. I took the bird in the hand.

Playing the Seniors MTT and living not-so-large, I estimated a week in Sin City could possibly result in a minus $3,000 result. (I am old and happily married.)

Working for the Census, I am about plus $4,000. Seems like a $7K swing to me. I type this blog on my new 8GB computer, reading the words on my new 23-inch monitor. I glance to my right to view my new big screen TV. Tomorrow I might clean with my new Dyson vacuum, which is so good my wall-to-wall carpet is a different color. I am guessing, the original color.

No bracelet, no WSOP memories. But new friends. And an amazing sense of renewal.

One of my new friends is a poker player. A live poker player who wants me to join him at the local casino. I'm so there.

(I'll let you know how it goes. I expect it will go well. I am spooky lucky, as Ted Forrest once said. And, if I'm not, I choose to believe I am. You know, spooky lucky.)

But, I find most interesting my new friend's opinions about poker.

He doesn't play online because of gnarly bad beats.

Here's an anecdote. "I tell my wife, when I have AA vs. a pair of threes, you watch, he'll hit a three. And a three hits. GG me. Or soon thereafter he'll need a club and I'll tell my wife, watch this, watch, a club will hit on the river. And, of course, there's a club and I lose."

My new friend believes - at least suspects - online poker is not legit. Then there's the Absolute/Ultimate Bet cheating scandal. Which is nothing, if not proof.

I like this guy. He's a good guy, a nice man. I did not argue. I have been there. Many, many beginners go down that road. The Road of Bad Beats. But to be successful as a poker player, you must take a different path. The path less traveled. The path of a confident winner.

I prefer to predict the cards I need to win rather than the cards that will cause me to lose. Trust me. Try it. Your bankroll will grow. At the very least, you'll feel much better about the game.

Something else. My new friend doesn't play cash games, because he fears collusion. I did not argue. Collusion happens live, just as Russ Hamilton happens on-line.

My new friend only plays live tournaments or low stakes home games. At his own house.

He trusts no other poker venues.

As I am sitting there, listening to my new friend, I can't help thinking how difficult it is to play winning poker when you are afraid. I can't help thinking how difficult it must to be afraid to leave the house or take a chance, a risk, a gamble. Of course, most accidents happen at home.

I also can't help thinking how difficult life can be when you are afraid. Remember: life is a metaphor for poker.

Decades ago, I had the opportunity to sit with a teacher named Patrick O'Hara of The Growing Place. What he had to say made a lot of sense then...makes even more sense to me today.

People are very much alike, even if no two are quite the same. "We are very, very simple, but we're very subtle.... we are each all mankind as much as one drop of seawater is the ocean."

Patrick believed we can be our own teachers. "You must understand you are literally the creator of yourself. Thought directs energy. Start to think of yourself as an energy pattern."
And then start to increase the beneficial energy in your life, while you decrease the negative.
You start by doing nothing.
"The first cause of all things is being still," Patrick pointed out. In other words, get a grip. He suggested meditation. I know, I know.
To be honest, I suggest a long shower or a long walk. You have to be able to see what you're looking at, so you can act, instead of react.
The stillness, achieved daily, will present you with the opportunity to see what you've become.
And to see how your life might be transformed when you accept the responsibility of creating it.

Patrick O'Hara had apparently spent countless hours in contemplation and thought he had some answers. He shared some with me, and so I will share some here.
You will have to provide your own questions.

You have to give up to gain.
You cannot have an emotional feeling without a physical reaction.
When you love, you make yourself whole.
Your power is in your softness, and your softness is in knowing who you are.
It's not enough to say "There's got to be something better." You have to follow up with "And I want it."
The way to make change is by example.

Forget what you want to get away from. Take aim at where you want to be and go for that. Keep moving. Keep your goal out there in front of you.
Reality is never the way it seems to be.
Finding a spotless clean restroom on a cross-country drive is a spiritual experience.
Man's only problem is the refusal to accept his own greatness with humility.
If you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, things will work out. Believe this.
You don't have the slightest idea what you can do. So, why lack self-confidence?

You must see life the way it is, so you can laugh your way through it.
It's the space between the notes that makes the piece.
What you believe is what you create.
You have to let go in order to get somewhere new. You have to make the cycle linear.

If it's no fun, you're not doing it right. - JDW

Pain was its own teacher, and there wasn't any way to learn how it worked but to be visited. If the visits weren't right on top of each other - if they were far enough apart so you could forget the way it came but close enough to remember it went away - you could learn to ride it out. - Pete Dexter, Deadwood.

My father sobs.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."

The old man cries, as Pastor Bob recites the Twenty-third Psalm.
"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; He leadeth me beside still waters."

Dad's head waters every time Pastor Bob prays. Tears gush over porcelain cheeks that glisten.
"He restoreth my soul; he leadth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake."

Dad soaks his pillow case. I can't bear to see him cry.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

My head bowed, I am uncomfortable holding Pastor Bob's hand. Don't even know the man.
"Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over."

Mother's face trickles. A single, slender crystal tear torn loose, slowly traces fifty years' troth across a suddenly lonely landscape, looking very much like the rest of her days. And nights.
"Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life."

I don't listen. I can't cry. Wish I could scream. I pray instead: Please, Lord. Please don't let this guy sing Amazing Grace.
"And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I scream.

It could be worse. Following the quadruple bypass, Dad's complexion has taken on a waxy angelic tone.
Following the strokes, he's finally showing a sense of humor. Actually much funnier than before he went out of his mind. The brain specialist said the enhanced wit was a not uncommon result of "a right hemisphere event."
For example, Dad sat up, out of a deep sleep, looked around vacantly, and shouted, "Too much hocus-pocus! Not enough magic!!" Fell back, snoring again before his head even settled onto the pillow.

Footsteps pattered hurriedly down the hallway.
A single-file parade of white uniforms filled the white room. Surrounded the white bed. Hovering white.
Dad sat up again, looked around the crowd...slowly... his eyes narrowing in focus. "Yuppie entrepreneurs!!!," he yelled, falling back on his pillow.
More snoring.
And, most importantly, none of his maladies are hereditary.

One day he disinherited me.
"You can't do that. I'm your only surviving child," I reminded him. "I'm Junior, your first born."
He got all serious, Robert Mitchum in a gangster movie. "I'm leaving everything to my church."
"You don't have a church."
That cut him short. His eyes glazed over like an icy interstate highway. He drifted off, staring into the distance. Lost.

I went looking for him. Jabbed right where he lives.
"You mean to tell me, I don't get your valuable paperweight collection, one from every state, where you turn it over, shake it upside down, then turn it rightside up and chalky flakes fall on some cheesy liquid plastic scene that's supposed to remind you of some long-forgotten joy ride or best forgotten family vacation!?" I bellowed myself breathless, like I actually cared.
So even a dead man could hear.
"No snow globes!?!?!?!?!?"

No answer. Perhaps, I thought, worried now, I should hold a mirror to his mouth. Then I saw his chest move up and down. Ever so slowly.
He's in there somewhere.
Then a wheeze.
"How about your coin collection? All those bright, shiny silver dollars in the thick navy blue folders. That's gotta be worth a fortune."
"They're worth plenty. You can just forget my coins."

Finally, it was time to go.
Mother asked Dad if it was okay to kiss him goodbye.
"No," he says.
I saw she was hurt. I tried to lighten the mood.
"How about me?," I asked, noisily pursing my lips into a grotesque, fishy O-shape.
"You least of all," he growled.

The old man wasn't going to get away from me so easily. Not this time. With more wires coming out of him than a home entertainment center, he's far less elusive than he once was.
There was nothing else for my dad to do but kiss me on the lips.
"No tongues," I warned.

I kissed my Dad on the lips. Surprised him.
Saying goodbye this last time, we simply puckered up and planted smooches directly upon one another's grizzly face like it was normal.
Like John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart swapped spit all the time, too.
"Can't imagine life without your father," Mom sighed.
"Try," I told her. She looked at me like I had said something insane.

I told my Mom I like kissing my Dad.
"Me, too," she said, perking up noticeably. "You know, he's only told me twice in fifty years that he loves me. And I had to coerce him both times."
Followed by a vaporous sigh. "Three times, counting right before this last surgery."
"Four times," I told her. "He said it right before your last surgery, but you weren't awake to hear."

Mom had brought their wedding portrait trying to goose Dad's memory. They got married, it was the Christmas weekend, not so many months after the end of WWII, the second war to end all wars.
Both of them look eager.
It's a black and white photograph. A busty virgin, she was young and looked younger, full of promise. She's wearing a fuzzy suit. Her right breast is covered with a floral corsage. Atop her head sits a fancy bonnet, looking just like a flattened hot water bottle.
He was the dashing sergeant on a three-day furlough, a decade her senior, with a full head of dark hair, slicked straight back. Dad's in his dress uniform. His left chest festooned with military decorations.

Fifty years later, they were still holding hands as they strolled along the beach, watching the sunset.
We had always just assumed he was immortal.
I can't stop thinking. Every time I look at him, I see myself in thirty years.
So, I go next door, to the family waiting room, where a murder trial is playing on the television. A woman, about my age, is on the phone.
Turns out she is comparison shopping for cremations. Apparently, prices have skyrocketed in the last two years since she made arrangements for her late stepmother.
Now, her father's got two days to live and she's got a sales meeting coming up. You wouldn't believe the price difference from one crematory to another....

"I'm moving out."
Lucinda greeted him with those words
as he walked into their apartment.
It was early
and he hadn't done anything wrong yet that day.
Must've been the last four years.

"I guess this means I shouldn't have
had your name tattooed on my left buttock."
"You didn't."
"You're right. I didn't."
Barker put his bag down and collapsed into his favorite chair.
The dark leather one she had never liked.
"Would it have made any difference?"
"No. None at all."
He didn't know what else to say.
She just stood there.
"I need a beer. You want one?"
She shook her head. No....

The next weekend
a buddy came over to smoke a few bowls.
The buddy looked around the half empty apartment.
"She really left, huh?"
"Oh, yeah."
"At least she let you keep your chair. That was nice of her."
Silence.
"
"Are you lonely?"
"Yeah, I guess I am. I really miss her."
"She's one helluva a woman, that's for sure."
"No, not her. I really miss that wierd, little dog,"