Welcome to another edition of 'Twitter highlights', the posts where I try and justify the time spent writing jokes on twitter. Here are my latest 10 picks:

- “Um, my name's Sarah. You know I really have to get going…”- lady in bed with Citizen Kane, after he calls out ‘Rosebud’ while making love.

- “The grass is always greener on the other side”- man, trying to explain his unique vision problem.

- “I’m not playing anymore, you’re too competitive for this to be fun”- Wile E. Coyote, to his douchey ‘always has to win’ friend RoadRunner.

- Homeopathy says that water has a memory. Its users can’t remember the time ‘fix-me-worries grape juice’ turned out to be a scam.

- “Oh…ah…I don’t mind what colour. They’re both super in their own way.”- guy trying desperately not to appear racist when playing Chess.

- “I’m a duck, motherf%*ker”- duck, after a gangster cow shoots a goose, points the gun and says ‘what’s good for him is good for the gander’.

- I feel like if the Ghostbusters were a real company they could charge whatever they want. "$575 for 30 minutes? F*%k you. The ghost stays."

- “Not literally though, obviously, or you couldn't be speaking. Do you mean you want to be tutored or..or what?” – Dorothy, to the Scarecrow.

- “Baby, I think it's incredible too, but I’m not really at the stage in my life…”- awkward scene after the first ever all-mule pregnancy.

- We've come a long way since the networks banned the Transformers episode where Bumblebee decided he wanted to transform into a woman.

I figure that if you enjoyed somewhere in the region of 3 of these, it was worth your time reading this post. If I didn't quite make it with this list, let me know and I'll promise to try harder next time.

K.