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ADDICTED TO THE TURBULENCE!!!
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BW: I believe this winrate is something that almost anyone can achieve with relatively little work... most people just don´t know where to look or lack the basic discipline.
Q: Where should I look?
BW: Your mental, emotional state while playing is 80% of the work, and you can work and take specific steps to get better at that. Being in the right emotional state will allow you to open up your eyes to what you and the other players are doing without being stuck in the previous hand you lost, how much you are up, what you´re gonna eat later, etc.
Combine that with some basic technical steps that can be taken and you got the other 20% to at least achieve enough to live comfortably off poker. I believe that with today’s games and climate, anybody with even mediocre intelligence and some discipline could at the very least make a comfortable living playing this game.
Q: It's always so good when people say that you don't need huge natural talent to succeed at pokers.
BW: To say that you need huge natural talent to succeed in poker is probably very disrespectful to people who have a real natural talent in almost any other field. LOL at saying you need huge natural talent to succeed, at least to the level of making a 100 - 250 k a year playing. Above that I couldn´t tell you, but I will when I get up to that level. Will not be surprised to find another bunch of semi-intelligent slackers that are super mega lucky to have found something to lean on and call themselves "huge natural talents".
The big difference between the average 1-2 grinder and the average 3/6 or 5/10 grinder is definitely not raw talent or God-given natural abilities. It is risk tolerance, bankroll management, game selection, tilt control. All very simple things to reign in with a little emotional control. Once in a great while, just due to the large volume of players, you will get some kind of prodigy that will go from the micros to the nosebleeds very quickly, and not by virtue of luck or "positive variance" but a natural understanding of the game. These people are definitely the minority.
Also, as I mention above, I believe hand reading to be a function of your mental / emotional state at the time more than anything else.
Ever noticed that some days you can put people on hands right and left, other days you´re just fumbling in the dark? They haven´t changed, you haven´t changed, your skills have not diminished. But you are probably not in that same emotional state you were in when playing the first game.
Q: What do you think changed your game the most in terms of becoming such a winning player?
BW: Realizing that most regulars actually were not that solid and didn´t have their own game (most just basically have picked up somebody else’s preflop game that they´ve seen on a training video and have no clue why they are doing what they are doing - postflop they are usually spewy as xxxx). When you start zoning in how to scalp the regs, that´s when you start improving and that´s when you start beating the game for more than 1 ptbb / hour. And the basis for all of this was realizing how much of my game was dependant on playing when in the right emotional state, and learning how to maintain that mindframe.
Most of you guys have no basic technical problems when it comes to this game. You understand pot control, way ahead / way behind, position, equity, pot odds, 3-bet equity, etc. The reason you struggle with the more subtle technical aspects is that they usually require a good and clean state of mind whilst playing and analyzing. If you are on constant subtle tilt you will never understand your own image, your opponents projected image vs the way they actually play, what your history with a specific opponent really means and CORRECT adjustments (as opposed to a couple of 3 bets and now you´re waiting to shove any 2), and what all this basically boils down to; hand reading and putting your opponent on accurate ranges, and knowing what to do with those ranges. These qualities will separate a 2 ptbb winner, from a 5 ptbb winner. I believe that although I display a 4,7 ptbb winrate, I could have easily avoided many situations where I KNEW I was making the wrong play and made it anyway, and could easily have had a 5,5 - 6 ptbb winrate. I take responsibility for these results.
Q: Ok, what kind of prep do you go through before a session? Playing hudless, on a number of tables must require excellent and sustained concentration; I would imagine that you are consistently looking for patterns and methods of the regs when you are not in the hand?
Do you take lots of notes on players, trying to highlight how they play groups of hands or board textures?
Do you have a mental checklist you go through before making a decision during a hand? I have been trying to develop this to prevent auto-piloting (a horrible form of tilt that costs me money) but am having trouble forming a consistent checklist and method.
BW: I go through a studious prep pregame, and I have papernotes around me that I use whilst playing. I have very specific tradition throughout the day. I always start, for instance, by reviewing yesterdays hands. I do take notes on players. Away from the table, even though i am not using a HUD, I will check on a players stats in PT. Do not get me wrong. The PT stats are very valuable, it is just that I personally feel they hinder me during gameplay and don´t allow me to form a complete picture of the regulars.
As for a check-lists, start small. Whenever somebody calls or raises you preflop, jusk ask yourself about his range of hands. You would not believe how many pros fail to ask themselves this one simple question (which they always used to when they were improving). We all know we should, and yet when we sit down we start autopiloting our usual abc game. We´re on the ball the first 5 minutes, and then go into droid mode. Just start out by doing this every time you have any preflop decisions. Then extend to the flop. Then extend to asking yourself about your perceived range (2nd level). If you have been autopiloting for the last 2 hrs, you will have no idea what he perceives your range to be, because you have no clue about your own image. You can add levels as you go on, but do not overdo it. And the absolute most important thing when faced with a big decision, is to first breathe and relax for a couple of seconds.
Have you ever noticed when you get sucked into a hand? Like you have an overpair and you get raised on the turn, you know you´re beat, and beofre you know it you have called anyway? Or what i call the bluff-vortex, when you start with small flop raise, and before you know it you have fired three barrels and you´re all in and get snapcalled by the nuts? What the hell just happened? A 200 bb pot lost out of nowhere!!? If, at any point, you would have just stepped back, taken a breath and realized how little sense your line makes or how narrow his range must be, you would have saved a stack. When you look at it in retrospect, it is very clear to you. This alludes to my earlier point; most of you guys are fine when it comes to the technical aspects of the game, but you need to hone some of the mental and emotional ones.
Q: What’s the biggest downswing...
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I ended up lasting 3 weeks in Minnesota until I had issues that most certainly needed to be taken care of by going home and resetting. I don't care much to go into full detail, except that it was a very emotional time for me and that looking back 3 months later, I made the appropriate choice. While at home my main focus was getting my head on straight and staying in shape until I could figure out what my passion in life really was.
I ended up taking a 3 week vacation to London to play some poker and do something adventurous, while trying to make money. The highlight of my trip was getting deep into the $5k PLO and getting reseated at Tom Dwan's table with a ton of chips. Unsuprisingly he didn't know who I was until Shaun Deeb said something rhetorical about "Who's the bigger sicko?" Obviously Tom gave the lolimtomdwanandyouarejustsomerandomtournykidwhogot8thinthesundaymillionlastweek look. 30 minutes later me and Tom were double crossbooked for prize money. 13 hours later Tom is allin with top set for half the chips in play, but loses. I ended up getting 12th after the chip leader(Jani villumen sp?) raises utg 6-handed and I 3-bet AAxxdd on the button, he calls. Flop is T9ddx and he check shoves with top set. It sucks that I was like 1.5x average and had a very good feel for the rest of the fields tendencies. Jani won the pot and knocked me out and ended up winning the tournament the next day. I felt like I rolled a 7 with a lot of money on the table : [
When I got home I had a very long talk with my coach about my body, wrestling, and life. I've had a strong desire and passion for wrestling since that talk and a month later I made my way back up to Minnesota to resume my career. That's not to say a lot went on between August and November because I feel like a summarized version would be just fine for the character of this blog. I spent 20 days in Minnesota doing nothing but training as I had no internet and little else to do. It concluded with a trip to Chicago where I decided to wrestle in and decided to make a hard cut to 125 pounds. I definately put my body through the test for the weekend and I didn't get any sleep the night before the meet even after taking a sip of nyquil. Unfortunately, my nerves and weight kept me up all night again.
I ended up weighing 124.9 and felt extermely tanked after my first match where I won 15-6. I was a big 125er, but the weight cut, nerves, lack of sleep, and lack of mat time showed. I wrestled mynext match 45 minutes later and went step-for-step with my opponent for 2 minutes until he took me down with a single and pinned me shortly after. My third match I get taken down and twice and get turned twice and start the 2nd period losing 7-2. I get a reversal and back points in the closing seconds of the 2nd and get a takedown with 20 seconds left in the third to win 8-7. My fourth match I hit a fireman's carry to his back and pinnned my opponent in the first period. On my last match of the day I got hip-tossed to my back and got pinned resulting in me getting 5th in a bracket of about 20 wrestlers. All things considered I think I did just OK, but I'm just really excited to have wrestled again and have committment and a feeling of camaderie with teammates and coaches.
I'm going to try to do some interesting things with my blog and I've made a New Year's resolution to write even when I don't want to and to actually respond to PM's. BTW, I really, really want to coach YOU so just PM and holla.
-ash
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When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn’t your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you’re a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum
If you can’t look him straight in the eye.
He’s the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he’s with you clear to the end.
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the man in the glass.
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I was watching Lost in Translation last night and I got to thinking that I'm feeling like the scene where she walks through Kyoto. The setting, ambience, and scenario is similar to mine. Watch the scene and the movie.
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I started this blog to have something to look back on, laugh, smile, and tear up about. Perhaps that is why I began playing poker. At the moment, I think I can say I've seen almost everything there is to see in poker and maybe more than I would have liked to. I can still remember playing a CD-ROM game called Hoyle Casino when I was 11. I remember playing in my free time while my Dad had Crystal Method blaring on through the house, and I remember consuming the game until I could beat the computer at every card game (Holdem, Omaha, 7CS, 7CSHL, O8, Razz, and 5CD). That went on for a year until I outgrew it and moved on. And I remember one of the most intense emotions that I felt as a little kid was winning $4 at a home game with my dad and our neighbors. I still remember the feeling when I told my mother how much I had won.
I guess I'm just writing down everything I can think of that has led me to where I am. I could forget all these things one day, so writing it down is perhaps my only way of remembering. I had a few painful memories this weekend, mostly me just fucking up and stewing in the sick feeling that always follows. The day before I left for school last year, I chose to spend the second half of my going away party on my laptop, playing severely underolled at a game I was not good at. All of my family and close friends were there and I had to just shrug them off because my sickness was too much. Despite all the times I complained while I was in Minnesota about being away from home and missing my family – there I was, caught up in the mess, a stupid hypocrite. Just knowing how bad my problems were made me sick and angry at everything. It's taken months and months, but I really do feel like I've improved on the problem that has plagued me throughout my poker career.
In the poker world, you can't feel sorry for yourself. You have to be the man and throw all your demons and doubts to the wind. When you start feeling sorry for yourself you are inviting the demons to take over your thoughts, which is going to lead to you crashing somewhere. I've crashed… a lot. I’ve realized that I've overcome my past problems by everyday becoming mentally stronger than I was the day before and by learning how to block out the negatives. By stronger, I mean my ability to stop at any time and being able to play whatever game or limit to the best of my abilities. It doesn't matter to me what people think when I say this, but I feel that as of now I am one of the strongest players in poker and practicing good habits, and my faith in myself has gotten me to this point.
Looking back on a year ago, it saddens me that I made so many poor decisions which caused me to bust a 1.5mm bankroll. A year has gone by and I've improved on these issues and polished my poker skills, allowing myself to grow as a poker player. Granted, I've been running hotter than anyone in the poker world outside the November Nine, and I've even matched my run good with some glorious timing in winning that $500k in a year prop bet just hours before winning the $25k HU tournament. But as Tommy Angelo told me, the only thing that matters right now, is now. I'm not too caught up in my “run” – I’m just trying to figure out where to go from here.
"The Run"
Well, I'm pretty sure an extended break from poker looms in my near future. I'm driving to Minnesota tomorrow morning and I really don't feel poker is a priority over wrestling. You'll see fragments of my reasoning scattered all across my blog. To be honest, I've never been more excited to actually be a part of Leggo. Matt and Vitas are excellent at what they do and we have an incredible cast of poker players. Aaron and I have had phenomenal results at the highest stakes on the internet and have really just outplayed some of the world’s best at poker recently. BTW, I think I owe Aaron an amazing surprise present for the amount he has won me this past week. PM me if you have any ideas. Video coming out soon and my finals match between David Benefield will be up shortly after. I have to pack because I leave in 8 hours.
PS. Did you guys really think I thought it was "unpossible" not impossible? It’s unpossible to be that stupid. |
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One would think that I would be one of the happiest poker players in the game at this time after resurrecting a microbankroll for a third time into one sufficient enough to play the highest stakes online. I more or less expected such a feat, but after years of degeneracy I think nothing really excites me anymore. I feel more fulfilled being with my parents, sisters, and Lauren. Lately I've been just moping around and I haven't been able to do anything because I've having intense back spasms. Not training for a week really through off my sleep schedule and it makes me feel terrible. I haven't been functioning at all lately, I can't do simple tasks like talk on the phone, respond to PMs, or text messages. I feel so pathetic, but I believe it's just a phase.
In 2 weeks I'm going up North again which means that I will only see those people mentioned a couple times the next 10 months. It's so tough for me to accept what is from what I want because of my desire to do so. I'm dreading the day I leave and pretty much everyday after that until I come home. it's got to be this way though, otherwise gambling will pretty much consume me until I made a drastic change. This gives me a chance to find a new passion which lately has been real estate and the idea of buying and selling property for a living. The concept of weighing options and quantifying values is obviously something I have talent at and I'm interested in. I'm not sure if I'll learn a whole lot on the subject with the courses I'm taking, but I would definately learn a ton at a University which is the plan for the following years.
I have a decision to make in regards to gambling and wrestling. It seems to me that the only way I could be the very best I could be and potentially being an All-American would be to stop playing poker for 7 months. I have decide what I want more and it really only comes down to that. Obviously it's very crucial that I'm getting all of my work done and I actually apply myself so I'm learning stuff. If I want to be any type of serious wrestler, I would to dvote every second into sleeping enough, running, lifting, drilling, watching video, mental exercises, dieting, and technique. There's nothing crazy about spending every hour of everyday that I'm not sleeping or doing school, to devote to becoming a better wrestler. Obviously it's easier said than done, but I know I'm capable of this. I know I am.
Aaron decided that it was not a good idea to leave the audio blog of my Vegas adventures up. I honestly don't care and I really don't think I'm going to get in trouble or that a person who could get me in trouble would listen to that. For the record, I was using a backup mic and my voice gets out of whack when I'm tired and my throat is dry. It sounds completely fine most of the time, but it did sound awkward on that day. I wish I had the motivation to right more, but it takes a special occasion in these days for me to put the time, effort, and creativity into something. I think I'll save my poker results for another time, but lets just say I've been winning.
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<3 Maylene and the sons of Disaster, so fucking righteous.
Another recovering dependent lost on your shift, the reasons still remain blank.
These pages I hoped to never write.
Another ordinary panic day involved in past stories.
My best didn't come close.
In love with the past I hate more than you.
Wasted away for a while at this farewell.
Take me home to southern remedies come on baby.
And for all your hate just blame me.
Just like your love by the beach.
On your way to the top.
Always had a feeling you seemed like the perfect enemy.
I'd wish this all go away.
I'll do what it takes to burn yesterday.
When you're blue and beautiful you'll see what you've become.
P.S. I'm sorry I'm tired and in the kind of mood that is only known to me.
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Perhaps I am a 'degenrate' or will always have the label as one. I like to think of myself as a bonafied risk taker. Perhaps I put myself in bad spots, but there's always a method to the madness. I'm grateful that I have just enough fear left in me to be scared to bust again. That fear is the thing that takes my hand off the mouse and gets up from the chair makes a goofy face in the mirror and laughs the loss off. I take my losses strange. In fact, I take losing and winning oddly. Hard to say what I get excited and frustrated about, but it's not winning and losing. I think I get excited when I have a complete day. A complete day for me is a proper balance of training, errands/chores, pain and pleasure. For sure, pain is a learning tool for me and of course a motivator to fix what needs to be fixed. I guess that is what makes life so great let alone the poker road.
I don't I ever say to myself "Here we go again". I just can't be that way to myself and I will always maintain the faith. I'm only getting stronger as I learn to cope with the huge losses. I'm learning to just inhale, exhale, and say to myself what I'm doing. For instance, "OK, I am a clear favorite when he's losing, but with the momentum he has right now, it is unlikely I'm a favorite. I'm going to get up and get some food, take a shower and lay in bed. Inhale, exhale..." I mean this isn't the perfect solution on how to not go broke, but it's just me learning how to cope with the worst. Perhaps this is all standard, but it's an area I've improved on greatly. Sounds like standard stuff, but it's an area that I could improve the most on and I have made an improvement.
I'm feeling sort of conflicted in terms of what I'm aiming for. A part of me wants to ride the poker road out and possibly become one of the greats of the game and all the money and fame that comes with it. The other part wants to quit poker for the next 8 months to do great in school and reach my maximum potential as a college wrestler. I think that would be a true test of my powers and could possibly be the greatest improvement as a poker player and a person if I were to follow through with that for the greater good of my hearts desires. Perhaps that would smooth out some of the problems I still have with balancing areas in my life.
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So I ended up going to Vegas for about 15 days and had a pretty wild time. I didn't play any tournaments for a very good reason that I would not like to discuss so I ended up grinding the hell out of high stakes cash games. The games were phenomenal and I played pretty well the whole time spewing sporadically when the games were tight and I got bored. I ended up losing a ton in staking and prop betting. I mean I won $10k for jogging up this puny hill and still got destroyed in betting props and skill games. DO NOT bet with Aaron at ping pong. Lesson learned. I think the most hilarious thing from my trip was losing ~$15k on whether or not the gatekeeper was a girl or a guy. Good thing Starkey bitched out because I was betting the lot that 'it' was a dude.
Happy(code name) was in a $100/100 HA ante game and immediately started putting lots of money into the pot and I was on his immediate right. Fun times ensued. Button limps I make it $1100 with T8o and $11k stacks Happy calls button folds. Q84dd I c/c $2000. Qc ck/ck. River Kd and I think for a minute and decide to check. He thinks for 3 seconds and goes allin for $7500. I think for .3 seconds and double hand my chips into the pot. "You win kid." I normally NEVER snap call for obvious reasons. If I'm never folding there I want people to bluff me. That might not of been the case, because I might fold river, but I wanted to do something that would just tilt him hard enough to do stupid shit later. 3 hours later he pots SB to $800 and I repot BB to $3kish(I moved seats heh) w/ AJTc7c. He calls. Flop is A64r he c/c $5300. There was a lot of merit to betting for protection and that coupled with the fact that I'm not going to get CR'd with a hand that is slightly better than mine made me want to bet. Turn was a Js bringing a second spade and we had $53k left to bet in an $18k pot. I thought shortly and potted it kind of nervous because I like cash but not necessarily money. Heh, he calls. River 8 he thinks and checks, I think for about 2 minutes and I'm likem this is why you snapcall or act like a rediculous internet kid, so they call you with worse here. Do it. He thinks for minutes and calls with a worse hand. Then, a week later Manny(code name) was sleeper straddling and potting every hand when it got to him at $1/200 PLO at the Rio which made for an exciting time. I had a ton of money on the table and won a monster pot when I raised flopped the nut flush and bet/bet/bet for a big pot. There's some things I don't want to talk about until a couple weeks from now, but Vegas was a wild time and I have some exciting stories to share.
I want to have a discussion about this hand I played the other day. The 3 flop options are pretty close and the risk/psychological aspects of each option are present due to the money involved and how Ivey might perceive what my stacks means to me. I had already seen him bet/fold a coordinated board vs Urindanger and word on the street is that Ivey doesn't remember any screennames so I'm a total random. Sidenote is that he just sat in with doublestacks on both tables and for the record i was getitng up on my BB. Please discuss in comment box.
***** Hand History for Game 12908115860 ***** (Full Tilt)
$60000.00 USD PL Omaha - Friday, June 19, 03:14:54 ET 2009
Table Crazy Action (6 max ante deep) (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Seat 1: Urindanger ( $30000.00 USD )
Seat 2: Phil Ivey ( $158146.00 USD )
Seat 3: Niki Jedlicka ( $49646.00 USD )
Seat 6: theASHMAN103 ( $157341.00 USD )
Phil Ivey posts small blind [$300.00 USD].
Niki Jedlicka posts big blind [$600.00 USD].
Urindanger posts ante of [$100.00 USD].
Phil Ivey posts ante of [$100.00 USD].
Niki Jedlicka posts ante of [$100.00 USD].
theASHMAN103 posts ante of [$100.00 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to theASHMAN103 [ Qs As Qd 3s ]
theASHMAN103 raises [$2400.00 USD]
Urindanger folds
Phil Ivey calls [$2100.00 USD]
Niki Jedlicka folds
** Dealing Flop ** [ Ks, 9h, Td ]
Phil Ivey bets [$4200.00 USD]
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