So I went to a bar with my friends tonight because every Thursday is Trivia which basically means get into teams and try to answer the most questions correctly. We were there for about 3 hours and I had exactly 2 beers during this time period.

On the way home, I made a left on a one way street (where you could only go left, meaning I was at an intersection and the crossing street is one way r to l) on a red light because I saw a sign that had a no left turn sign and hours listed below. New Jersey has lots of "no turns on reds" expect outside of these hours... signs, so I figured this was one of those signs and since we were outside of the hours I could go. I did, and was pulled over about a half mile later.

I pull into a parking lot, and a cop car pulls in behind me. The guy gets out and tells me immediately why I was pulled over, and I get frustrated at myself because it was my fault and a misunderstanding. He asks where I was coming from and I tell him the name of the bar. He asks how many drinks I had and I tell him 2, which is of course the answer that everyone always says, even though my response happened to be truthful. He gets back into his car and 10 minutes later another squad car rolls into the parking lot which means... I'm about to take a DUI road test.

10 minutes after that, he finally returns, and asks me the same questions again. We then go through the "I just want to do some tests quickly" routine, and I'm out of the car and he's trying to get my eyes to shutter with his flashlight as I'm following his finger. There is no way I am drunk or my BAC is above the legal limit, and I can tell he's getting frustrated because he's holding my gaze at the sides for a really long time, and obviously not seeing whatever he would if I'm drunk.

He then asks me to step, toe to hell, 9 times on a parking lot line, then rotate (pivoting perfectly) and walk back 9 steps. I know my rights and I tell the officer that I would rather just take a breathalyzer or blood test because I am nervous and not the most coordinated person in the world. He says we can skip this stuff now and do that but he will just let me go after the tests if I do ok. I shrug and execute the test (on uneven parking lot ground, in the pouring rain) as well as I can.

He then asks me to hold my foot 6 inches off the ground, look at my foot, and count "one-one thousand, two-one thousand" etc. until he stops me. I do this flawlessly to 30, and then he goes and gets the breathalyzer. He comes and says "Per your request..." and I stop him and say "Actually you said if you thought I was fine we wouln't do this." Then he says that oops! It's actually standard operating procedure. I roll my eyes at him and blow a 0.00 on that motherfucker. Surprise..........

Obviously he's aggitated, pretends to say thank you to me for "knowing my limits," and still gives me the ticket for the red light.

Honestly, go fucking fight some crime.