Lately I've been trying to figure out why I'm so unmotivated in life. I always think what could have been. What if I applied myself in high school, college. Where would I be today, what if I gave 100% effort of everyday to poker. My new definition of failure should be, not giving that day my 100% effort, that should be failure. What I currently do is halfass my way through life, if things don't workout my way, then I can just blame the fact that I didn't try hard enough. What I'm afraid of is that my best isn't good enough. I'm afraid that if I try my full effort, and I fail, then I'm screwed. I can't lie to myself and say, if only I had tried, I would have succeeded. Unfortunately, this is how I see failure at this point, I need to change the way I think, and have a new definition of failure. Not giving life everything I have to give, is failure, and that is something that I am ok with fearing.