I had a really awesome reading week, nothing that eventful, met up with a lot of old friends, played a little bit of poker, saw some movies, had a couple great meals, went to a Raptors game etc. Scott convinced me to play tourneys on Sunday because of the Party $640 and I switched to a train on Monday, I ended up cashing in a couple tourneys, but not going deep enough to warrant whining, just a pretty standard losing Sunday. Monday I had a 5:00 train, grabbed lunch with Scott, Max and Peter (Apathy) at the Four Seasons in Toronto, when I realized I would never make the train on time, I called and delayed my train to 635. I hung out with them for a bit more played a couple games of pool and hopped on the Subway at around 6:00. What is usually at most a 15 minute subway, took me close to 30 minutes because someone had jumped on the track. I don't know the exact circumstances, if it was a suicide or someone just tripped and fell, I don't know if someone died or if they got electrocuted by the tracks or whatever. While I was waiting I choose to worry about whether or not I would miss my train, instead of thinking about the well being of the person who was responsible for the delay. Leading to the question from the title of the blog Am I Selfish? (well technically the question is Or am I?, but that is ambiguous)
My first thought was there is an obvious sample size problem here, a selfish act doesn't make a selfish person. There is some line where people act selfish on a frequent enough basis that one can correctly call them selfish as a whole, but that seemed behind the scope of my specific quandary.
My next thought was, were my thoughts selfish? This seemed like a pretty slam dunk yes, but that isn't necessarily bad. If I am starving and choose to eat it is fulfilling an important needs, but it is also selfish. I am not benefiting others by eating (although staying alive does allow others to embrace my awesomeness, so not starving to death may be a net positive).
So I guess instead of asking "Or am I?" I should be asking, Is prioritizing a relatively trivial, but personal event over a tragic, but not very personal event wrong?
Level 1: Yes it is wrong death > missing a train, you are acting selfish and wrong.
Level 2: Wait people die everyday you prioritize what you are going to for dinner over helping homeless people or people in third world countries everyday, just because something hits a little close to home doesn't mean you should suddenly become Mother Teresa.
Level 3: Well unless I am an egoist there has to be a point where I put others ahead of myself and does this qualify? I don't think it does qualify because ultimately I don't even know what happened, for all I know some idiot jumped on the tracks, almost died, but just ended up getting fined or arrested for being retarded. It's not like I saw his dead body and thought "Wow I am going to miss my train they better scrape him up asap."
I have been playing a decent amount of poker lately, had a really annoying session yesterday, and might post a whiny blog with a graph and HH's where I get two outed on the turn.