So year thirteen has begun
I got back to the vegas card rooms after my trip to Maine
Thursday , Friday and half day Saturday
Not really happy with my play in the slightest missing bets ,paying bets of and none thought out of randomness .
This year i start the year with a girlfriend who looks after me .
So i feel in a better place and excited just because i have this hopefully reassuring figure behind me .
Im flying back to the Uk February 12th . This gives me 5 weeks to set the tone of how the year might shape up .
Im not really sure if this is the place to write this because my girlfriend reads this .
Hopefully you guys can voice some opinions .
Im thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me . Now there is a million reasons why not to . But this girl makes me the happiest ive ever been . I have it in my head a million things could go wrong and im being defensive . But I've known her only since September and its a redic thing to consider right ?
I don't feel impulsive and i know a wedding takes ages to plan so we still have loads of things to figure out . But if you can't marry the person you love then whats the point ?
I know people fall in and out of love all the time but i want to commit my future with the people who make me happiest . I kinda feel being with her would make me super happy day in day out . Its the first time in my life where i look forward to going home and work takes a second distant thought in my head .
I've escaped poker for the first time since i found it .
I don't want to burden this girl with me and that slows me down . But I actually think i want to commit my life to this girl . Im scared to death about the future but suddenly i see a future holding someone's hand and walking through life together . I don't know il marry this girl i guess she can only say no . She's much tougher then i am and i know she will decide whats best for herself .
Im not sure what love is and i know i generally suck at life but if i can bink this girl i feel i get a second opinion on everything because this girl understands me .
I really want this more then anything and im yet to even tell her i love her :/
I don't have anything worked out and im not going to be upset if she says let's wait longer but she is the best thing to happen to me . Im super scared im super excited . AM I REALLY GOING TO DO THIS ????
Any one who's followed my blog /my life i value all thoughts .
I feel like i want to be with her day in day out and i mis her when im not with her . Is this the early stages am i being stupid ?
I spent Xmas with her family and i lived with her for a few weeks . I feel like i need more . I feel loved . I feel happy . Now i know i don't need to get married but i want to give myself to this person 100percent .
The thought of ever going back to the uk without her makes me feel
She wants to work here and im cool with that i guess . I do mis the uk sometimes but not more then i mis being with her .
I don't know if il ask her . Maybe im so deluded its the worst idea ever . I really don't know but it just feels right . No idea why i feel the need to commit to marriage but i never want to leave and start anywere else with anyone else .
This is either going to work or not work . Think im just going to wager them all and let the chips land were they may . Not sure anything would make me happier but ive got ages to think about a proposal . Isnt a rush and whats the point of being in a relationship and being happy if you can't look to the future together ?
Anyways enough from me . HELP