so i have been in and around vegas 8 month or so and finally its looking like my time is coming to an end.

my blog ramblings are just my life and the path i have taken and the journey i have travelled. the blog lost its humor a long time ago (if it ever had any )

so vegas has been ok to me money wise and has overall looked after me while ive been here. poker is EASY my live game is as good as its ever been but of course i can play better and gather more information by paying attention more of the time to the minor things .
its just hard to keep phil Hellmuth like concentration when its so mind numbing at times.

i have not reached any were close to what i could or should have and my degenerate side has let me down more times then i care to remember.
for those of you who read this regularly and know me you will know i met a special woman who means the world to me and this makes leaving vegas so hard knowing that she cant come with me as her dream is to own her own law firm and that opportunity lays here . this has been her dream and something she has worked for and is working towards.
everyday she talks about her work with pure love and passion and we get on so well. i basically know i should marry this girl and there should be a happy ending. i'm not the romantic type i never really talk about feelings or have any of that girlie mentality but if i don't write this some were then these thoughts and feeling don't feel real . this girls means more to me then i ever thought possible. kids future i see it all .the only thing i don't see is how i fit into it .

for the last 8 month or so of rofling around vegas with no real plan ive come to the conclusion that i cant be happy with poker because its an endless pursuit . its not enjoyable for me and the only thing i really enjoy is my work friends (my horses who have been with me for most of the last 8 months keeping me company in vegas ).
when i leave them they always feel neglected and they just sat around sulking doing fuck all or drinking waiting for me to return after my weekend with my girlfriend.
i spent generally the weekend with her but i was never of the phone to her through the week . she was my best friend and the only place i wanted to be .
i enjoyed the working week but i really enjoyed the life i was building away from poker for the first time since i started playing back in 2005/6

poker itself does not provide any stimulant or really excite me at all anymore.i dont look forward to playing games i have to grind and its become a job that my stomach churns at the thought of doing . it was my escape for a long time and hiding in a world of cards to avoid life and the shit i try not to deal with .
i basically cant play poker by myself and i cant stay here if im not playing poker.
as a consequence i feel really lost and our relationship seems to be at an end because of logistics i guess. we discussed her coming to the uk but she wouldn't have the opportunity she has here and she would have to sacrifice a lot more then i have to she would face the same problems i face here
.i cant have her support me because the thought of that is beyond depressing

i feel like this is the worse possible ending to what might of been as i have very little to keep me in the uk . running away from the uk 8 month ago to find something new and exciting seemed like an amazing thought and i made it happen . but now im going back having found what i didn't know i wanted and i lost the drive that got me here. ive always worried about the thought of me going broke too that hasnt happend but it always feels like a real prospect out here. im kinda useless at making good monetary decisions here and my overheads have been scary high out here. so busto feels much more attainable here then in the uk at the rate im heading . its like impossible to be ever bust in the uk cause money feels much easier to come by one way or another away from poker.

i guess being aged 30 i thought it might be easier to make friends . its actually been really hard and i cant say ive added one friend to facebook during that time who ive met out here.
.
life is amazing with her but every other aspect of life isnt great and she thinks that the only solution is to go back to the uk by myself. just feels such a dirty option . dont want call ,raise or fold.


we discussed this a few hours ago and she wanted a short sharp exit . im sat in her front room tapping away 7.00 am while she sleeps.

filling my suitcase with my stuff is going to kill me inside .

over the last week i got blatantly cheated on a few different occasions and what i feel hustled really while playing kinda low limits 1/2 at venetian and planet hollywood
a dirty old man did a number on me and i really should of seen it coming
then today i got whipsawed in a few spots by some friends hustling me.i had words with the guy in charge and he said he knows but cant do much about it without any proof yet .
. this sucked what energy i had left out of me and its pushed me past the point of me not being able to mentally be strong enough to deal with these things on a daily basis without support of friends when i go through these periods. i need friends to play poker more then i really knew.

this is the final ever blog about my poker life because after today i cant justify writing any more blog ramblings when deep down i hate the game and the carrots it dangles.

i hope over the years that these ramblings have given you an insight into what makes me tick, my desire, my failings and my thoughts on life and love and whatever the hell ive done in that time.
i love life more then ever.
by the way this blog is not supposed to be so depressing its just because I'm taking a path i dont really want to take but thats life i guess .
ending my blog here feels perfect timing as its turned into a diary of sorts and i like to leave the available endings to your imaginations to what becomes of me after today .
ive enjoyed my time here but its time to move on .

my last blog.i thank you all for your thoughts over the years and your responses to blogs i have written.
they have all given me extra perspective to think about things and hopefully be a better person.




good luck everyone and good bye.

well been back in vegas for nearly a week. think i played the worst session of my life wednesday so took today off and il probably start again on monday.

my head was stressed with other things and i didnt give myself the best mental state going into battle.
only lost/gave away a thousand but its enough to make me take some time off.

my time in the uk was three weeks my team lost in the cup final but was good to be there to witness history being made.

i got loads of coaching done while i was in the uk and saw my little boy a few times. generally wasnt enough hours in the day to do everything.
didnt really have any nights on the alcohol as just didnt find time. had a few nice meals with friends and it wasnt a bad trip overall.
wish i would of sorted a few more things out and found time for the people i didnt have time for but there always next trip.

the dentist rushed my filling and left my tooth in a bit of a dodgy condition but il make do i think for 6 months until my next trip to the dentist .

not sure my teeth are in great condition. i try look after them as best i can but so many fillings i feel there just weak . my teeth have never been a strong point of my face . i kinda have sticky out teeth and fangs. americans seem to have much better teeth then us brits on average .

anyways im gettin off track as per usual. saw an awesome pic on facebook leggos page of lucky chewy . check it out if your on facebook and not seen it. awesome beard going on starting to look like a proper chewbacker


anyways im going to sleep. tomorrow i intend to finally sort out the purchase of more shares into black gold .

Kinda sweet for my horse to win the supersonic on stars for 50700 on Sunday.

He isn't really an online grinder and he only ever plays micros really online so its nice that he ships a game well out of his usual buyin level . Frenzyca$h has been my young apprentice for about 18months and ive put him in alot of live tourneys to punt so this is a crazy big score to set him up nicely with a roll .
More importantly he has had a poker education and now feels comfortable pulling up at cash games understanding what is going on completly and isn't just playing his cards anymore .
He has spent about 2to3 months out with me in vegas and has just about consumed most of the knowledge i can pass on( his live reads still needs improving as he misses far to much )
. His natural game at the table was very similar to mine anyways so he just tweaked a few leaks and now bluffs in better situations .
His time with me has helped me think about things in my own game at times and he has progressed to the level of CRUSHER under my tutorlidge .
Why in the top line i use the word KINDA SWEET. Is because i now lose my horse as my financial input isn't needed he can roll himself and im down argubly my best horse . Its good that i collect a nice payday upon his stable departure. But its the end of an era .
I signed another horse the day before his win as it happend because i was doing ok financially so thought ide add to my stress levels :/

I wish my horsey all the best with his future and even though im without financial interest in him anymore its been very enjoyable working with him over that time and i hope he can go on to better things . His success that he achieves in the future will be down to his own hard work but its nice to know i played a part in that somewhat.
Plugging leaks in someone's game and watching them develop over 18 months is very rewarding .
He didnt have much make up to clear because he was only playing live cash and just punting tourneys on make up to try get a score to get a roll together . He's done that and has a few quid to spare so next .
Maybe i should implement a plan to bust him then i can get him back and get him grinding for me .
Prehaps i should take him to spearmint rhino and make sure he has a drink or two ...


Anyways im back in the uk now and its cold .

Rest of my stable barely played and im playing online lots and really enjoying it . Personally ive not been winning but im playing well and im running under ev . I woke up yesterday with more desire then ever to play. Had a few things to sort out in leeds but im ahead of things now .

Collected my ticket for the cup final on Sunday and i cant wait to watch my team in the cup final .. We don't expect to win so il just enjoy the day out get drunk and take a much needed day off . COME ON BRADFORD CITY

Thursday im playing a live tourney in Sheffield genting so thats going to be fun as all my stable of players get to meet up for the first time together .
Dentist on Friday .. I hate the dentist they just seem to give me fillings and tell me i take terrible care if my teeth . I don't drink the right drinks i need to stop drinking soda they tell me every visit .

Thats just another week in a grinders life just about ....
My girlfriend and i are still very much together and hopefully we will be living together in August at the very latest .

Im still not sure what will become of this blog and leggo so il continue to blog for now .

Good luck at the tables guys and gals

Well with what seems to be the end of leggo im not reallly sure what happens to my blog . Prehaps its time to end the ramblings .

I just won me a Venetian deepstack trophy for a win at the PLO .
Not made a day two in about 5 years so was nice to convert something .

I've kinda got used to posting random thoughts on here so im a little sad but hopefully its fir the best .
Ive lived in vegas for about 6 months and didnt manage to run into leggo members in real life . Been just getting my head down and grinding for the last six month really . My horses keep me busy on a day to day basis and the pending possible wife leaves me short on social time

A special thanks to leggo members vitas , greghogflow and probabilty for always being extra helpful over the years . Goodluck to you all

Just rambling on here has made me a better player because the great minds who ever give you feedback or an insight into any other way of thinking allows you to think clearer about not just leaks in poker but leaks in life . It all connects one way or another and the more angles you have to work things out the easier life and poker become . I've always gone about poker by surrounding myself with the right tools and people in my life to try do this . Leggo has been a home and although i don't know people on here that well socially its the thoughts of poker players who in general think that little bit deeper about life and poker .


I actually recorded my 1:2 results for the month of January and i must spaz off more money in real life then i realise cause i not got anywere near the 6k i took out of the game .
3/20 days played i didnt win dollars and i never lost more then two buy ins in a session ( i generally quit if i lose two buy ins as i get fed up )

I managed to win little over 6000 dollars( horses won me about 3000/reduced make up )
in January even after taking atleast ten days of to relax it was an ok month for efforts put in
. Its not going to make me rich but i did manage to get 20/31 days hotel room comped for free so its been a bankroll building month somewhat .

Anyways good luck all and if its the last blog i ever write ide like to think i live happily ever after

Take care all and happy grindings
I

Im really going to have to work out how to add pics to my blog .
So i went to Arizona and rid some horsey named kit Kat . I really enjoyed it and its the most fun ive had in ages .
I used to own a couple of horses but i never went near them . My ex was the reason she wanted them and she did all the looking after ( i struggle to look after myself )

So loads of fun . Met the girlfriends father who was larger then life charectar who opend a tinny of larger while riding .
Took a four day weekend to relax and im now back at the table grinding as i tap away on my phone pondering thoughts .
Left my phone at the girlfriends on Monday so was 2 days without a phone . Worst feeling ever in truth feel so vulnerable .
Absolutly punted my face of on slots last few days . A few things making me want to escape from life as reguards to what the future holds . Im much more level headed when i have a plan . Minute i just feel like im killing time bouncing around from hotel to hotel room .
Im back in the uk for most of February .
My soccer team made the cup final and for you to comprehend what a task this is think odds of atleast 2000 to one plus at the start of the season .

BEADFORD CITY in a cup final is beyond all expectations and more . Obv il be going to tbe final and this means il be in the uk for a few extra weeks then i need to be .

Anyway super excited bout going back to the uk because of this .
Things going fantastic with the girlfriend . She mega stressed at the moment but its a great thing i have going at the minute and she makes me have to be a little responsible somewhat because i feel accountable for my actions more so .
I basically cant just be a bell end all the time even though i often enjoy pissing random folk of At poker i don't play nice to nits or regs . Pissing them of often improves my hourly so i go out my way to do it if at all possible .

Poker warfare at the micros . Had a good start to the year thus far was about 4 or 5 bags up over about ten to to 12 days of playing . Then punted 2 of em back to the world of slots .
Being staying at quad hotel on the strip for next to nothing as they keep giving me 5 free days stay on every booking . Generally book one week and pay less then 100 bucks .


My onljne horse did chunks on tcoop and my live horses have been doing well to balance out the books . The quest gos on to make more money's .
Take care and happy grindings people x

So year thirteen has begun

I got back to the vegas card rooms after my trip to Maine

Thursday , Friday and half day Saturday
Not really happy with my play in the slightest missing bets ,paying bets of and none thought out of randomness .
This year i start the year with a girlfriend who looks after me .
So i feel in a better place and excited just because i have this hopefully reassuring figure behind me .
Im flying back to the Uk February 12th . This gives me 5 weeks to set the tone of how the year might shape up .

Im not really sure if this is the place to write this because my girlfriend reads this .
Hopefully you guys can voice some opinions .
Im thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me . Now there is a million reasons why not to . But this girl makes me the happiest ive ever been . I have it in my head a million things could go wrong and im being defensive . But I've known her only since September and its a redic thing to consider right ?

I don't feel impulsive and i know a wedding takes ages to plan so we still have loads of things to figure out . But if you can't marry the person you love then whats the point ?

I know people fall in and out of love all the time but i want to commit my future with the people who make me happiest . I kinda feel being with her would make me super happy day in day out . Its the first time in my life where i look forward to going home and work takes a second distant thought in my head .
I've escaped poker for the first time since i found it .
I don't want to burden this girl with me and that slows me down . But I actually think i want to commit my life to this girl . Im scared to death about the future but suddenly i see a future holding someone's hand and walking through life together . I don't know il marry this girl i guess she can only say no . She's much tougher then i am and i know she will decide whats best for herself .

Im not sure what love is and i know i generally suck at life but if i can bink this girl i feel i get a second opinion on everything because this girl understands me .

I really want this more then anything and im yet to even tell her i love her :/


I don't have anything worked out and im not going to be upset if she says let's wait longer but she is the best thing to happen to me . Im super scared im super excited . AM I REALLY GOING TO DO THIS ????


Any one who's followed my blog /my life i value all thoughts .
I feel like i want to be with her day in day out and i mis her when im not with her . Is this the early stages am i being stupid ?
I spent Xmas with her family and i lived with her for a few weeks . I feel like i need more . I feel loved . I feel happy . Now i know i don't need to get married but i want to give myself to this person 100percent .
The thought of ever going back to the uk without her makes me feel

She wants to work here and im cool with that i guess . I do mis the uk sometimes but not more then i mis being with her .

I don't know if il ask her . Maybe im so deluded its the worst idea ever . I really don't know but it just feels right . No idea why i feel the need to commit to marriage but i never want to leave and start anywere else with anyone else .

This is either going to work or not work . Think im just going to wager them all and let the chips land were they may . Not sure anything would make me happier but ive got ages to think about a proposal . Isnt a rush and whats the point of being in a relationship and being happy if you can't look to the future together ?

Anyways enough from me . HELP

So tomorro i fly back to vegas to chill out for the last few days of the year before the New Years resolutions start . Don't really have any myself as im generally a perfectly rounded individual .

My time in Portland Maine has been snowy and relaxed . Not really done much but a week away doing nothing has been much overdue .

I met my girlfriends family and there really cool people .
Xmas dinner was roast beef so a little differernt from the traditional turkey dinner im accustomed to .
Only thing i dindt like was from what i can tell there isn't Xmas crackers ( i don't know what a firecracker is but my girlfriend tells me it looks like a firecracker but has a toy in with ussually a joke a Xmas hat )

I need a Xmas cracker its traditional and next Xmas if im in usa im bringing Xmas crackers .
Im having a lobster boil now and i have no idea what it is .

Im giving up with mission find a good Indian restauraunt in America it does not exist.

The soccer scores roll in thick and fast at this time of year so its intense score monitoring on the phone.

My personal preference of team Bradford City made the league cup semi final so its a mega swet . My team are in the 4th tier and its unhurd of a team from the 4th tier of English football to make it this far . With potential to go further im just greatful of my team being on telly .

I participated in a scotch auction and traded a digital picture frame for a jumper ( win)
I've managed to get thru Xmas and collected a bunch of useful clothing items .

I received an electric shaver so im trying to get used to my skin to more of a beating every session for a more convenient life .

New Year's Eve will be a quiet night in watching as much of parenthood as possible . I really find this show a bit depressing but i find it heart warming and genuine life . It's become my guilty addiction

I missed not spending a Xmas with my boy but thats to be expected i guess . First Xmas without him



Happy New Years all . Relax sit back and enjoy year THIRTEEN

As im done for 2012 playing . Might play one more live bowl comp for amusement later today .

Results for 2012

Online mtt winnings including sng all sites 14000

Online staking (12000) 10000proffit /2000 on accounts in play . make up 12000

Live staking cash i have 3000 invested and 3000 on account ( make up is at 2000 )
My horses are in proffit by 12000 for 2012
I've reinvested my share of proffit into freerolling horses in live higher stake mtts. 0/8

Personal live results (since september)cash nl 1/2 and 1/3 and freerolls 19000
2/5 minus 3000
Mtts minus 4000
10/20 fixed PLO 8 plus 600
PLO cash minus 3000
SLOTS wheel and blackjack losses about 5000

I currently have shares invested in gkp bought 8000dollars worth after horse online score ( minus 40 percent of purchase price )

Im ending the year about my shares ahead so its been disappointing to say the least but failed shots is why .

I have a steady roll ( undisclosed ) so will carry on shot taking mtts as often as possible

Happy Xmas and a happy new year everyone

I generally take my blog in no perticular direction .

Today im going to ponder thoughts on my BIRTHDAY EVE.
So 30 is kind of a big deal . It just feels like my youth is over . Im in a committed relationship i think for the first time in my life .
Im as happy as i can be since leaving the uk .
I still miss things about the uk and friends . I hate having to focus on poker every single day out here but i don't really know how to do any thing else out here .

Im to old /rubbish to play sport at any decent level and i really miss a kick around with the boys from leeds . Once a week the poker players meet up to play football and its a good laugh and a bit of excersize . It's the little things like that i miss about the uk .

Vegas has its charm . It's the kind of place that sucks the life out of you if you let it .
Think the thing ive found hardest about vegas is financing my horses to stay here . When my horse was winning i didnt build a cushion enough to finance the downswing. He has played well overall but he can't pay his expenses if he isn't winning so debts quickly build . Im not just paying for the losses im covering expenses for 2 . So my horse leaves Sunday busto and in a worse situation from when he got here and ive over exposed and im out of pocket ( make up at highest point )
My other horse comes out 3rd January so hopefully i don't make the same mistakes again .
Horsey one is winning for the trip but i allowed him to build debts and knock his money in on clothes and things to stop him building his personal roll .
Thing about staking someone is if you think they win its in your interest to stop them building a roll so you try keep them in your pocket .
So lending them money and encouraging them to punt / drink /party is good bussiness wise but bad friend wise .
At the end of the day there grown men and know what there doing so its right to do whats in my best interest . Il openly explain to my horses i enjoy them being bust but obviously no one wants to give a cut of there winnings away so i wonder if there is any resentment .
My horse got mad at me yesterday and violently shoved me
First time ive been in a situation where even if i wanted to i cant get into a fight its bad for business .

I could keep ranting but my battery at 5 percent so best post now . Laters all have a happy salfis birthday tomorro x

So Saturday night i ALLOW my girlfriend to spend the evening with me .
We went to a friend of hers house party . Loads of cool people and enjoyed the boxing and socially got involved .
Sunday same girlfriend and i hang out with some other of her friends and socially i had nothing to contribute . I know very little about the things they chose to talk about and felt like a duck out of water .
I need to learn how to make small talk about the American way .

Think its harder for the girl then it is for me . I kinda just sit there quiet and she try's to involve me but sometimes you just have nothing to offer .
Prehaps in the future il have to practice small talk somewhat . Outside of poker i don't really have conversations about everyday things .

Poker wise i had a quiet weekend. Took Saturday off and Sundays are slow anyways .

Just a few days until my 30th and i can't decide what to do to celebrate . Any ideas for good comedy shows in vegas ??
Im not really into shows generally but i guess i should try celebrate the milestone with some kind of memory .