Yeah, it's been a while since I posted here and if you were some super loyal follower I apologize.
Basically what happened I was in full video making mode and kind of snapped. I had no problem just sitting down to play and talking while doing it, I knew I needed to do more for high quality. So I recorded like 6 shorter films with the intention of doing voice over later. I had a list of notes of things I wanted to say and point out. I had the notes and video player open on my desktop for a week ready to go, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
In a way, I snapped.
Nothing major to sure, but I was putting a lot of time, effort, and brainpower into it. I do this all the time with poker, but this wasn't poker. At least it didn't feel like poker. This felt like work. You remember what "real work" feels like?
Hard. Dull. Boring. Frustrating. Depressing. Never ending.
Yeah, that's what this felt like. I was depressed and had to avoid the whole damned thing. I went several weeks without even opening a table.
I think part of my problem was I never wanted poker to be a life long career. What I *want* to do is be a writer and director here in Hollywood. For me poker was supposed to be a way to get the hell out of Red Lobster and free me up to spend more time with my writing.
Except it didn't turn out like that. When I wasn't playing poker most of my free time was spent hanging around the boards or just thinking about poker. I imagine it goes for all of us that after any session (good or bad) we can't help but constantly replay hands in our head. Whether we should've called, raised more, or made that (looking back) easy lay-down. The game consumes your thoughts.
That's not a bad thing, to be sure. The only way to become a great player is to constantly analyze and think about the infinite situations that may arise. The problem for me is writing is much the same.
When I'm not writing a script my brain is often "living" the story. That is I'm thinking about the characters, the situations, you name it in much the same way we think about poker. If I can't have the story living in my head I tend to spend most of the time staring at the computer with nothing coming, or even worse staring at my screenplay and I'm instead thinking about a certain poker hand.
This has been the situation for almost three years exactly. That's when I first started playing poker seriously. In that time my writing skills have deteriorated to an almost embarrassing level. You're supposed to get better with time, I've grown worse.
No, I'm not quitting poker - gotta make a living. I will however try to find a way to strike the correct balance. Part of what I need for my writing is an audience. I've choosen you. Don't worry, I'm won't be posting stories and crap on this blog. Instead I will just use it as a more full-range blog. A place to actually write something. And I'll post poker updates like...
Played a crazy hour-and-a-half where I won 1.5 buy-ins in high variance fashion. It was stack and be stacked. I had big pairs lose to flopped sets in 3-bet pots several times. I also hit some sets to win my own big pots including a whopper 4-bet 400bb pot where my TT turned a set against his top top. When we got it all in I imagined across the interwebs the guy was yelling, "GOD DAMN ****ING COCK *****."