Tickner is a Moron.

I just read over my last blog post and almost started laughing. No, nobody said anything to me or pointed anything out, but I noticed something.

Let me post two paragraphs from my last blog post here.

First of all, these 2 sentences are funny. I don't know where this came from but it isn't me. I seem to put on a mask to try to sound cool to myself or something, I don't know. Maybe I wish I was the greatest but never will be.

Secondly, while it is true that I watched a lot of videos, and I put a lot of time in to learning, it’s not even possible to watch some videos and try to learn, then immediately go from a losing game to "... in no time I was killing the limit." I just pulled that one right out of my ass. Ok ok, so I started winning and paying more attention. Yes, I played better, that is all I should have said, but I had to add in that extra spice didn't I? Truth is I am not "killing the limit". I am winning, just like many people are, but I am certainly not killing it, as much as I want to think I am.

Third, this is self explanatory by now, but I'm actually laughing at the last sentence. You are a moron Tickner.

Ironically, the next paragraph says the following:

First, I don't even talk like that. LOL @ me trying to write.

Second, let me state that I did not "crush" $200NL. I went on a mini-heater as I moved up the stakes. WOWW.

Third and this is the irony of the post, I said "Unfortunately, as we get proud and lazy (while running hot) we tend to focus less on improving and start paying less attention to the tables." See what happened here? In the paragraph JUST before this line, I claimed to be one of the best regs at $100 NL. Talk about learning from mistakes.

Humbling Myself

The fact is I am playing $100 NL. 4 years ago, I was playing $100 NL. I've had ups and downs but honestly I am sure it was a bunch of mini-heaters. I am not crushing anything. While I agree that it’s good to be confident, overconfidence is the worst. I experience overconfidence, "learn from it", and do it again and again. And that's why I still suck.

My point is, what I need to do is accept that I am not a great player. Many would say that if I am not a great player by now, I never will be. There's certainly a valid argument in that sentiment. In fact I believe it to be true.

That said there's still money to be won. I am surrounded by great players, I am involved in an amazing poker training site, I have all the tools and resources to win. My goal is not to become a $100/$200 HU specialist. My goal is to play my best game and see what happens. My goal is to learn. I have SO much to learn and I feel like I've wasted the last years of my life. Most people realize what I am experiencing right now within 6 months of playing.

Just Play That Next Hand Right

So, what is there to learn from this? It took me a while, but I think I finally did learn that I am not going to get good by thinking I want to be good. I need to study and practice, I need to humble myself and admit that (gasp) I am not good at poker. So so many people are just miles ahead of me. I'm not even close. I need to be confident in my game but never become ignorant or arrogant. It's just wasting my time, my money, and my life.