Its late and i can't sleep likely because i have too much on my mind so i guess i'll type it out.

In terms of poker this month its been a failure. I ended up playing only 60 hours(mostly 100nl) because i had the flu for 1.5 weeks. I played ok winning 4.5k. In general my attitude while playing has been very negative(since getting sick) and i am surprised i won at all based on it. The only positive is i played some 400nl and 600nl i felt like i played better than the other players at each table minus a few good players like nano etc.

The flu i got was amazingly bad i slept at one point for 36 hours and i was still coughing 7 days after my fever was gone which stayed with me like 1 week. Then it suppressed my immune system so my other infection got worse yet again... i am seeing a specialist which is ok, not expecting much. All this stuff has negatively effected my mood more so than i feel it should. I think its a very big weakness/flaw in my personality.

In general i am really unhappy i feel like i missed a huge opportunity to buy into stocks in 2008 when i was 19... Realistically i shouldn't dwell on it that much but its hard not to when every time i read a financial report...i evaluate what its worth and its overvalued. Then i look at the 2008 price and go obv could've got it then.....I am actively writing down what i think each company is worth and just waiting.... and waiting for them to be a good buy. I did buy some in 2008 but i could have done a lot more with what i know now.

In 2008 I put 4k in and now its 12k but i was so afraid that i didn't know what i was doing that i didn't put in more.... And looking back i was right to not invest that much because i didn't know what i was doing and still don't know enough to be allocating a lot of money.

...What i fear the most is that if the stock market falls again i won't know enough to take advantage of it or won't have enough capitol to put my knowledge to use. So i been franticly reading this week i read 600 pages of textbook like stuff on stock which has got me closer to understanding things. My hours playing poker though have suffered.... Reading was so hard and took up most of each day that i wasn't pokering. I enjoy reading way more than playing poker and i am having difficulty with allocating time. When i play i am pretty unhappy but right now i need to be gathering capitol in case certain stocks hit the price i wan't to buy them at. The big problem is to make the most educated choices i need hours and hours of more studying and time to read financial reports. So... build capitol or study.... I think the answer is simply both its just so hard to compartmentalize. Once my mind starts going on one thing it passively focuses on it whether i switch or not.... meh..... i guess this just means I have no time to waste.... a lot to learn and things to work on in my personality. /endrant

So time to sleep good night all and i hope you guys are crushing or traveling/building memories etc. . GL