[RANT]

Given the fact that I'm still stuck somewhere between the gall bladder and colon of variance for my 6max game and that my confidence is correspondingly at an absolute low, I wanted a change. Everyone is posting in TEH BBV about making $$$CRAZY STACKS PHU$$$ playing the new fangled HEADZZ UP UNLIMITED HOLDEM, so I decided to give that a try. If losing at limit is like slow suffocation, and losing at no limit is like accost-you-in-an-alleyway-and-stab-you-in-the-face pain, then HU can only be described as being viciously sodomized in the back of a chip truck by an overweight Serbian named Uros with too much chest hair and a passion for tight fitting clothing and hair grease.

Post-Readthrough Edit: Sorry if you're Serbian, I know this guy and he is my #1 pick to not get sodomized by.

I had never lost 5 buyins to 90/75s in 50 hands before, nor had I ever allowed a recreational 20bb shortstacker to run up a >500BB stack on one table, but believe me, it makes you wanna **** your pants and throw up at the same time. I played mouthbreathers almost exclusively, the kind of donks FR nits have wet dreams over. I had 1 winning day over just over 10kish hands (which I posted about, lol curseaments) and lost lots and lots and lots.

This is my year so far. Doesn't look like a winning player to me, looks like some ****ing breakeven robotic TAGfish mongoloid who's not smart enough to wipe his own ass because daddy married his sister. That's me.

-500 PLO, -a few K coaching, - a bunch donkaments, I don't even care. I just want to win at something.

I mean, 80k breakevens can happen I guess, but being a low volume (read: life outside of poker) player this thing has been going on for a soul crushingly long time. I have to ****ing pay rent. PokerEV doesn't work for PT3 databases but last time I checked I was >$15k below all in equity on the year and I'm creeping closer to 20 right now.

The only good news in this entire post is that I'm quitting poker cold turkey for 4 months in a week and living in the ****ing North Ontario bush, where my EV is < a quarter what it would be if I grinded pro, but I'm doing it anyways because YOU CAN'T ****ING LOSE MONEY PLANTING TREES AND THERE'S NO ****ING INTERNET WHEN YOU LIVE IN A GODDAMN TENT. CANT GET ME NOW ANURAG HAHAHAHAHA


I HATE YOU POKER AND I HOPE YOUR HOUSE CATCHES FIRE WHILE YOU ARE ASLEEP.
I AM GOING TO GO STEP ON A KITTENS HEAD.


[/RANT]

Okay, I'm probably only like 60% as angry as the above would suggest but goddamn it that was cathartic. As for what tree planting is, imagine a resourceful capitalist wandered upon a hippie protest on some university campus and tricked them into working in the middle of nowhere doing a job so hard in conditions so bad they used to have to get prisoners to do it.