Losing Player (Me) Runs Good?

[Pursey]

OK, so, let's get it out there: I'm a losing player, and I know it. My game was 'terrible' 12 months ago, but I kept giving myself ego boosts by magically killing live tournaments with fields of ~200 in Sydney and Melbourne a few times. So I kind of put myself in a state of denial.

Once I snapped out of that, I focused on my strengths as a player - I'm pretty fearless and I can calculate odds in my head in short amounts of time, and I can be, if I choose to be, very very patient. My weakness is I suck at Bankroll Management and I occasionally make stupid calls even when I'm well behind because I almost enjoy the donkey tag when I do hit.

So, let's put me in the fish category for a second. Basically, in the last 12 months I've gradually fixed up my issues with playing behind, but I still suck at Bankroll Management. I play out of depth and I can't force myself not to. To give you an idea, when I play cash I play 5/10 NL when I should be playing 1/2 and when I play MTT's I should be playing no higher than $30 buyins and I'm playing the 750k on FTP often.

OK, so here's where I'm at. I've fixed up my VPIP, ROI, blah. My BRM sucks. And I'm still a losing player, marginally. I have positive stats on some sites (ROI of +2-3%, with profit.) but with FTP it's horrible, like -6% with thousands in the hole.

But, I jump on iPoker Network in the last few days and in true form to myself, play $109 MTT's. Except, I kill them, consistently. I jump in some SNG's, and I kill them, consistently. In 3 days, I'm up nearly five figures. And I'm playing solidly.

Here's my query: Is it just possible that Full Tilt and Stars just have too high a grade of field for me? or a Concentration of players I'm weak against? How can I gauge this and fix my leaks when I'm not sure what they even are. Obviously the simple answer is "If you're winning on iPoker and killing the field consistently, stay there". But, surely if I can kill the field in one spot I can just adjust in some way and do OK on the other sites.

(And yes, I should fix up my BRM problems. I don't know how. Advice? Do I need like, a PA to just send me $25 via transfer everytime I want to play a MTT? I'm stuck on this one.)

Sidenote 1: It hurts so goddamn much to be this honest about how much I suck. Even more so in the open. I know I should be good at this game because I have the head for it, I just need disclipline and guidance.
Sidenote 2: SEABEAST if you lol at me I'll cry.

[Pursey]

Quick update to this, had a good run on Full Tilt last few days, however I'm still playing out of league. 4th in the 18K GTD $109 MTT and several good SnG sessions.

[SEABEAST]

i dunno what to say man, you're diagnosing your own problems and then saying you don't know what to do about them... if you know what you're doing wrong, stop doing it?

bankroll management is what winning at poker is founded on... it's what takes poker from being gambling and turns it into a legitimate pursuit... if you don't respect the game, you deserve to lose... winning at poker is hard, respect the game!

[Pursey]

Thanks SEABEAST,

I think that could be the issue actually. I just need to settle down and play at my level. I've committed to playing the Victorian Championship, so I'm going to go and do that still but as far as online is concerned I think I'll cut back on what I play. Might stick to $24+2's for a while and see if I can grind through it a bit more. I might also play some lower stakes ring games.

Luckily for me, I've got an awesome girlfriend who's just agreed to kick me in the pants when I deviate from Bankroll. I know I'm getting better, but variance is killing me. I should be able to win at this game, and you've got a point. I need to respect the game and just give the higher limits a miss since they'll kill me if I run bad.

Cheers,

Pursey